It has been so long, so very long...
Since I've seen you,
Some 40 years have past.

Since that first incredible hour in which we met.

I still think of you;
Those big brown eyes,
Your childish smile,
Sweet wonder with a warm heart.

Your every word inspires me,
When you come near to me.
Little do you know how soothed you made my heart.
Such beauty and kindness filled my eyes with fires of desire.

As I grow older,
and time moves swiftly.
I still wonder why our Father,
decided He needed another Angel
on that tragic day,
when, He took you away from me?

I missed you today.

Copyright © Ronald J Chapman All Rights Reserved.

I wish I could help your wandering soul,
Your dreary eyes and your forgotten hope.
I want you back
The girl I knew
before everything got so confused
Your my inspiration,
My friend and family too
I just want you back
Me and you

Are you scared?
"scared of you? Hah, not even close!"
Really? I am....
"What kind of ******* is scared of himself? That doesn't make any sense!"
swords clash
The kind that knows what they're capable of when they no longer have restraints....

eating the sludgy contents
of your beautiful mind's conscience
and dreaming in your thoughts
while choking on blood clots
slurping up tangled tendons
drowning in remembrance
tales of your history
have now become a meal for me
digested in your calculations
I am finally free of my frustration.

everything is strange and eerily quiet
and i am not allowed the delicacy
of feeling sad
and i am not allowed
to feel anything
i am hiding bad habits underneath
makeup and there are blooming
bruises on my arms and
she is so beautiful but she's dousing me in kerosene
nights and lighting matches for her cigarettes on top of me
but i - i - i am not allowed to feel this
i am not allowed to feel this
sixteen years is not enough, it's
never going to enough, i am
never going to be
enough

there's no relief in death
but there's some sweet ecstasy within it
which i've been literally dying to try.

I'm incapable of love,
Incapable of feeling,
But Darling, please know that you are above,
Above everyone else. You're my King.

Mine.

im more than capable of jealousy,
The Green Beast grows inside of me.
He grows alongside the Black Barbarian
that thrives and feeds off Chaos and Strife
that takes pleasure in my Pain.

Mine.

I'm incapable of happiness,
Incapable of smiling for more than five minutes.
But Darling, please know that you're the source of my grin
The only one that can take away my despair...even if its for a little while.

Mine.

Baby, I'm more than capable of sadness,
its the only thing im good at.
the Blue Monster lets out a hearty laugh for every Drop that spills out of my leaking tap.
He sits on his throne beside his Comrades
Absorbing power like a Sponge.

Mine.

I have outlived suffering,
I have endured pain.
I have gently walked
thru fire and rain.
I have swallowed anger,
I have eaten sin.
I have bled
and lost what lies within.
I have surpassed doubt,
I have suppressed blame.
I have taken stock
of what remains.
I have absorbed sadness,
I have taken loss.
I have appraised the damage
and paid the cost.
I have been loveless,
I have been true.
I will never
be beaten by you.

I'm not sure when it started,
or why it is so strong
On the outside, I seem happy,
no one thinks anything's wrong
But on the inside I am dying,
screaming for someone to see
that the happy smile & carefree
laugh is not the real me
I've never been happy,
not that I can recall
Between the world & myself,
I've built up a wall
I don't know why I'm like this,
it makes no sense to me
I actually come from a very
close & loving family
But even they have no idea
of the hell that I endure
They think I'm happy & normal;
of this I am sure
I can't take it much longer,
I can't live like this
I want to feel truly happy,
that is my biggest wish
I need help, but who will help me?
Who could comprehend?
Is there anyone out there who
can help bring this to an end?
Or am I simply trapped,
a prisoner of despair?
Am I really all alone?
Is there no hope for me out there?