And the tower I built
Standing strong for many years
Went tumbling down
And I was falling
I was falling

Hit the ground broken and ******
I don't know how
To put myself back together
Pieces of my life strewn everywhere
Where do I begin?
*How do I rebuild my tower?

You started the spark
In my heart
But you never thought
It was a good idea
To put out the fire
So here I am
Left with no heart
Because you let it burn
Until there was nothing left

Today-
Reminded me of the beautiful china
In my grandmother's house
Strong, shiny, beautiful
Worth a lot
But even the best observer
Couldn't see the chips in the glassware
The many times the china had been dropped
No one could actually tell that it was broken
But I could tell.
Because even though sometimes I looked
Strong, shiny, and beautiful,
I was broken as well.

When you are with people, but at the same time on the outside
When they talk like you are not there, still you are sitting infront of them.
When you try to talk, but everyone ignores you.
Im an outcast. I know Im isolated in my own mind.

It doesn't help that people keep me on the outside anyway...

One day I will show through the light. You will notice me, and I will be heard.
Maybe it's not today or tommorow. But the day will come.

And when the day arrives, you will be blown away by my thoughts and meanings. And wish you heard the first time I tried to share it.

I don't mean im better than anyone, but I don't mean that everyone is better than me... Im just different.

I want to see rainbows and butterflies
Every time I close my eyes
And reserve the right to be mesmerised,
By the pure delight that awaits me every night;
Waking up in the morning
Ready to put the world to rights.
No more fights or frights.
I want to feel alive.

I want to be happy again.

I want to laugh uncontrollably,
So much that my belly hurts, my face aches
And my body bursts;
Into a thousand little funny bones,
Watch, as the fragile and delicate things,
Carefully piece themselves together and
Turn into big beautiful wings,
Making it easier to see where my sadness ends and happiness begins.

I want to be happy again.

I want to be the one that my friends can depend upon,
Not the one who upon a friend needs to depend,
Incase I break;
Break down into a million little pieces,
Glass rainbow dreams shattered and crumble
As I fall to my knees,
Desperate to breath.
Please; I need to believe.

I want to be happy again.

I want to be the surprise
That hits you right between the eyes
As I walk into a room, because you confuse
My smile with the sunrise,
Spreading its rays like the scent of perfume
And all of a sudden there's no more
Doom or gloom left to consume.
Eyes only on you, I'm reminded right now I have nothing to prove.

I want to be happy again.

I want my heart to beat so fast,
That it beats out my chest
And dances around like only it knows best.
The best way to compensate
For the heart ache that won't go away.
I want my heart to dance my troubles away,
As I watch it with a smile on my face,
Knowing eventually everything will turn out ok.

I want to be happy again.

I want to dance in the pouring rain,
No longer feeling the pain
That each little splash brings to my face;
Clouds the shape of tear ducts,
Pin ****** falling, piercing my skin
As the poisoning begins,
Tainting my thoughts with memories and eventualities.
Too many realities are taking toll on my sanity.

I want to be happy again...

I want you to build me a staircase
Out of rubber bands, hold out your hands,
And carefully lead the way to the forgotten lands;
Where you'll remind me no matter how often rainbows fall from the sky,
You will always be there - my sunrise,
Wiping away rain drops as they escape from the clouds in my eyes,
Helping me to replace each and every rainbow that falls from my sight.

I want to be happy again.

I need to be happy again.



I will be happy again.



© Karen L Hamilton, 2013

I am not a flower that you can pick at your will. I am a thorn and I will ***** you before I let you snap me in half.

-j.e.m (11.10.15)

Call me crazy
But I miss you.
I miss everything we had.
It makes it hard to start new.
Call me crazy,
But I still think of things
That I could have changed
To avoid this sting.
This sting I feel in my heart
From the loss of you.
Call me crazy,
But my love for you is true.
Months have passed,
So why all of a sudden?
Now the anger is gone;
I can mask the truth with nothing.
I miss how we'd make love
And go to get food right after.
Hair a mess, Sweatpants on
Car rides filled with laughter.
When we weren't fighting,
We were amazing together.
Call me crazy,
But I still believe in our forever.
There was someone before you,
But can I even count them?
Because the passion we shared
No one could even begin to fathom.
Through all our fights,
Why would I stay?
Because you were the only one
Who could take the pain away.
Call me crazy
But even with the bad,
I'd choose to rewind time
Just to experience what we had.
I'm fully aware now
That I've gone insane.
But just to be with you
I'd take that claim.

It's funny, isn't it?
How we get older
and watch ourselves become,
exactly what we said we'd never be.
It's funny.