My family is ripped apart, and Im standing in the middle.
They drag me in the one direction and then the other.
I think this will break me apart.
Their words hurts like knives, screaming out their hatred.
What Im supposed to do?
Anything I say, is like stepping on a minefield.
I try to shut it all out, but the screaming, the dragging, the hatred is too loud.
My soul is hurting.
I want to scream and cry, but nothing comes out.
Im just here.
In the middle of it all.
Trying to hold my self together, because it's the only thing I can do.
That one day.
This war will end.
That girl who sits silent all alone in the classroom.
That girl who holds up the door for whoever it should be.
That girl who speaks rarely, but when she does her words are poetry and melodies.
That girl who always wear black nail-polish and draws in her notebook.
That girl who smiles at you in the hallway.
That girl who pukes at the girl-restroom.
That girl who have to take care of her sister when her mom are laying drunk as always on the couch.
That girl who cries herself to sleep after watching herself in the mirror.
That girl who gets beaten up by the lockers just because she is a "freak".
That girl who came to school with a black-eye, but kept her mouth shut.
That girl exist.
That girl is maybe in your life.
Do you see her now?
My soul keeps wandering these empty halls.
It's lost and have no meaning no path.
Wandering like a ghost haunting me about my past.
My shadow who keep letting these thoughts coming in to my mind.
My mind fille dup with chaos and nonsense.
The words I make up in my head is like knives in my soul
And when I let them go to me, my herat is puring out
My eyes start pushing sadness trhough my eyes.
My pillow gets mascara marks from my pain.
And outside of these walls everone thinks Im fine.
When everything is a mess
And it is all kind of a fuss
I want to just be blank
Out of thoughts
Out of my mind
Im trapped inside myself
So much to do
All the time
You have to do this
You have to do that
My soul is not in peace
It is always in war with myself
Im I good enough?
No of course not
Because it is still a thousands things
before my life is "perfect"
But how many things do I have to do
Just to be happy?
So white, so pure,so cold.
Im beginning to feel old.
The year goes bye, is what I been told.
Every year the same old snow.
Flying from the skies, in those little pieces.
Cold as a winter morning, it falls down on your hands, your head, your nose.
It will come snow every year as I have been told.
I wonder if the snow is going to come even if Im old...
I look on a screen, day and night.
My phone lights up the morning instead of the sun.
The screen shows me how the world want me to be, act, think and so on.
It's rules I have to obey by the screenworld, by the screenpeople.
The people who everyone knows, the people who make and obey the rules.
My phone is my guide to be liked, and to have the best life.
But is it really?
I get so connected, that I feel unconnected to the people around me.
I don't hear what my friends are saying because Im trapped in a screenworld where the screenpeople are more important.
I don't know what I should like, think, say or behave anymore without the rules.
Who am I? Who am I, I ask to myself repeatedly. And then I go to find the answer in the screenworld.
Where Im already stuck in the thousands rules we have to follow.
You should act like this, talk like this, mean this, look like this.
At which point did I get to be a slave for a screen.
For a simple screen. How could this little thing control my life, and myself.
So now, I have taken a chance. I log off. For good.
Finally, the day has come.
It feels as my soul has been trapped in over a decade, in this cage.
And now, finally Im free.
My body is lifted out of the prison I before called home.
I can finally look up at the moon and feel the sun behind the moon shining through, just to hit my face with warmth.
I feel so happy. Im not in the shadows, Im in the light.
The dark is gone. Forever I so hope.
And A new me is starting to wake up in this old body.
My eyes light up like sparkles, I never knew they would have in a so long time.
I feel my heart chiver as I look upon your smile.
Thanks for upon up my cage, and my heart.
To finally find me and my smile again.