We drove to the beach at midnight in the middle of winter.
I remember trying to stay warm was impossible,
even with the blanket I brought,
so we went to the covered slide.
It was so uncomfortable, but between the stars
and the moon, the waves and the beach, and you and me,
it was more perfect than anything I could've ever planned.

people always tell me to let go like it's so easy,
they don't know the love i felt,
they don't see the person sitting in my memories...

i feel the exact same as i felt from the last moment i saw you,
i remember everything,
as if it were yesterday;
in reality, it's been more than 2 years.
but they don't understand what goodbyes mean to me...

she's still alive though.
living in the catacombs of my heart,
suffocating from my ****** up brain
and the smoke we share in our lungs
drowning the emotions i run so desperately from.

i know you're happy and in love with someone else--
it's just that... what i always wanted to say to you is:
i hope i never have to say goodbye to you,
so for now i'll keep a little piece of you locked away
in different corners of my body, with this dream that someday,
i'll find you again...

i can feel your soul next to mine.
your breath is still heavy from choking down cigarettes
thickened by a bottle of wine, saliva drips from your lips
onto my own.

coercing every cell in my body to follow your command

I found myself lost
in the eyes of universe
staring into space

memories painted on the heart
just never seem to fade away

search for freedom
in love, sail that
passion to the
land of purpose
discovering
paradiso
within ourselves.

Winding Redwood forest roads,
In colorful California, carving through the
Steep, potentially collapsable mountainside.

A perfect balance of hot and cold,
Mountains and coastline,
Wilderness and civilization.

Coming to this place feels like
Everything is teetering on the edge of life and
Death, but that's the excitement we crave!

California is the sun's playground;
It is where the world's eternal children come to
play for the rest of their lives.

And much like this life,
We've got to have as much fun as possible
Before it all disappears into nothingness.

So play on flower-children, sun enthusiasts, water worshipers, Mountaineers, gold diggers, fantasy dwellers, reality repellers;
Each and every one of you--

Play on 'til death do us part!

Water in the river rolling over the smooth rocks,
fallen branches and trees, clogged with leaves,
it eventually finds a way past the obstacle.

we are in an era where
clicks show our emotions
incapable of fact 
facing, we are really
hiding behind blue screens 
instead of sunny blue skies.

when did reality
become so oppressive
that we don't even want
to go outside, or live
the life we were meant to
live? break-up with feeling
bad for yourself--end the
digital addiction!

The oscillation of my emotions
is far more than I bargained for.

But the beauty of it all
cannot be captured by
words, pictures, paintings.

It can only be felt,
deep in your bones,
the bottom of your heart,
the innards of your brain.

It touches your soul so purely,
you can do nothing but ride the wave,
feel as children feel...

and fall in love all over again--

I like when
I hold her hand in
The summer.

dry heart, wet skin
warm with the memory
of fiddling fingers
the fountain is born again,
rich with the marrow of sin--

Once everything was over between us, I realized I wasn't the same person that you fell for. Instead, I tried to become the person I thought you wanted me to be and lost myself in the process. The changes I made to my being began at the core--my heart. I wanted to heal you, no, I needed to heal you... Maybe it was just to prove to myself that if I could heal your broken heart, I could heal mine too. Such naive and wishful thinking. Or, perhaps, I loved you so much that I would do anything to be with you. Yes, my darling, I would do anything to be with you then, and I would do anything to be with you now.

I want to see the smile that I fell for once more, with those deep brown beautiful eyes of yours that looked at me as if I was the only person on earth--the only person you would ever love. That's how deeply you made me feel. It was in those moments that my life seemed to pause and last forever.

Alas, these moments are now nothing other than a distant memory of my fondness for you.

Everything I ever did, it was always just for you.

bouncing ***** and sitting scooters,
nothing mattered when we were young
everyday was a playday with friends.

yelling and laughing, running around
the hardwood gymnasium floor
how could anyone feel lonely here?

maybe that's why gym class was the best,
it's impossible to feel alone there,
when there's endless fun at every corner.

watch the leaves
fall in the water
gracefully, dead.

It was a warm summer day in a small quiet town: a gentle breeze dyed green with the scent of fresh cut grass sends shivers through the trees as they whistle through their leaves, a melancholy of sounds so soothing, it keeps you from moving.
Lying in the grass without a care--time is not a factor, we have plenty to spare--look at the dancing sunbeams before your very eyes preaching please be happy to be alive;
listen to the bees buzzing and the crickets chirping--a world of life around you singing happy to be alive.
Feel the firmness of the earth beneath you, the magnetic resonance relays to remind you that everything here, everything we know, everything we do should make us
happy to be alive.

serendipitous
synchronologically
singing succintly

whispering softly
relaxing every cell.
knowing you're my side
i'll sleep better.

I loved her then, but
I've fallen in love with her
many more times since.

threatened by your indifference
picking petals off a flower
"she loves me, she loves me not"
driving insanity to the forefront
with this insatiable desire for love
but it was apparent, interest was lost.

Every human has needs,
but rarely get what they want,
just what they deserve.

gradually get
better at everything you
do and don't look back

He burst in through the door and started choking her
the sounds of her screams echo throughout the neighborhood
but not as loud as they echo through this brain with the vision
of how helpless and alone she looked in the darkness of the night.

He said it was because of an abortion, but it was really from flushing his ****** down the toilet. so she faced an addicts anger writhing and wrangling his bony fingers around her gasping throat.

That was the pivotal moment that took her from west to east with her children on her mind. With no real plan in her head, she did the only thing she could do--she ran. She ran as far away as possible with dreams of providing a future out of nothing.

20 odd years later and she did what she promised and became a queen in the process, revered by her children and those around her.

To this day, this incredulous and very ****** father remains incapable of saying sorry for the pain he's caused to everyone he's ever hurt in this life. But if there was ever a role model of who not to become, it was he--he who taught them that they are not their father, who preaches ideals of false love and idols in a fantasy realm, incapable of facing the world he is currently in.

Now he suffers, rotting away with disease, slowly dying as his body decays and fades away as he is slowly forgotten in the endless stream of time.

Even still, his words still find their way through emails and illegible text messages, still spreading the hate that he believes is love. Is it wrong to long for the day when he can no longer hurt people with his words and lack of love?

Is it wrong to want to be the one to take his last breath away and choke him the way he choked the queen of his children and watch his eyes fade to the back of his head as he gets what he's longed for so long--death?

If only he could be so lucky. But his sins run deep in his collapsed veins and dysfunctional brain. The mother may have run away with the children, but he is running away from the truth, drowning himself in the blame game, for he is the victim and this world did him wrong.

So he awaits deliverance into the next realm--what he expects to find, no one knows, though surely it will not be good. The pain he's caused is too great to be forgiven so easily.

i remember when i died in your arms
i never wanted to leave
but you left me to rot

you're a rose with invisible thorns
pricking the life out of me
but the poison you inject
prevents me from letting go--

I found solace in the darkness of my heart
where memories of lost loves live.
It aches all the time, but it reminds I'm alive.
Maybe it's the pain on which I thrive--

A constant reminder, something's amiss,
what could I have done so wrong
that you feel it's okay to leave me like ****
in a toilet, never to flush--festering.

Sometimes that's the part that hurts the most...
it felt like you really liked me.

Even still, I left feeling sorry,
sorry for feeling like I hurt you,
sorry for myself,
sorry for ever believing in hope or love,
or that you could heal me or that I could heal you,
it was misguided romantic *******--

Yet, I loved every minute of it.

I may be my own worst enemy
and the only thing I may ever see in the mirror
is myself, blanketed by thoughts of what used to be
but I'll never give up on you or me.

I stared deep into the craters of the Harvest moon
Looking for her eyes, but instead I found her
smile staring down at me just as it always has been.

Why return expecting things to be different?
Everything and everyone is the same...
Maybe even worse than before.

No place to go,
No one to see.

stranded.

No place to go,
flat heart.

lost.

No place to go,
temporal lobeless.

starving.

No place to go,
gutless bones.

Going nowhere.
I’ll stay here.

restrained no longer,
flower petals find freedom
dancing in the wind

the weight of this World is too much--
take me to the Moon where I'll float
weightless in the never ending
darkness of the encompassing Galaxy
no longer restrained by the tethers
that kept me suspended in time.

walking down the street airily,
up comes a man so hairily
telling me how unsofairily
the world has been to him.

you see my dear friend,
our lives we must mend
for we never know our end
thus we pretend we live forever.

death left its mark,
a hardy spark,
deep inside our heart
vulnerable til the end.

a stillness occupies the brain,
an illness with all there is to gain
that causes unfathomable pain--
mental illness, will I ever be the same?

What I elected is fresh perspective:
the world is not so defective,
it just needs a new directive!
one that is protective,
completely unselective,
and infective with love.

that heart-wrenching sound of Her laugh?
It takes you to a place in time when love
was just a four letter word...

I sit here writing poetry for someone who will never see it,
yet I still hope, even if it's only a faint possibility...
I want it to be seen, and I need it to burn as deeply as I feel.

Our lost loves are laced with traces of what used to be.
smells, places, sounds, feelings,
their touch–

all memories tainted and poisoned by adolescent fantasies
wishing for the comfort of a disillusioned past,
forcing the remnants of our love to rescind into the darkest depths of our heart.

good intentions are never really enough,
are they? people want action!
for there is no greater language in communicating ones true desires.
how loud must the action be to cloud the clumsiness of our words?
how long have i been dwelling on the memory of you?
will time heal this wound too?

everyday without you is torture, knowing our lives may never be together. but,
i’m not afraid that you weren’t the one for me,
I never was--
i was afraid you’d forget me and i'd still remember you.

I just want to be free from the Pieces of You
i left stuck in my heart.

forgetting to eat
with these thoughts of you
rushing through collapsed veins,
swelling this useless brain
draining the marrow
from bones made hollow--
broken too many times.

Childhood gone
youth remains

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Why can't I give up on you?

I miss warm weather
With winter blues no longer
Nor lack of wonder

She emerges from the Sea prophetically--
Her bronzed skin, layered with droplets of water,
Glistening with glory in summer sun.

The way she moves is enough to paralyze a man--
Her movements are refined and effortless,
As though she were gliding over the land beneath.

Her eyes have a way of penetrating the darkness in your heart--
Innocently unaware of the light that she embodies,
Gently inoculating the lives of those around her with angelic grace.

She evokes a sensation of Love, long thought to be lost--
She makes your knees tremble, your stomach tighter,
And you find yourself overcome with insatiable desire.

One look is all it takes to become enamored by her being.
And at that moment, you know, with absolute certainty,
She is everything.

Her scent drifts down wind
sending shivers down my spine
with the slightest whiff

When the last leaf falls, and
the first flower blooms, that's
when Life begins anew--

sitting at the bar where you used to
scream my name if you saw me.
i haven't seen you since.

now i just go back for the memory,
with hope that you'll scream my name
one more time.

to tear stained cloths
blanketed by insecurities
of a childhood misunderstood

I keep telling myself that I'll be fine,
but something is amiss,
is it religious bliss?

Maybe I need a Miss
so I can get kissed,
or remind me that I'm missed.

Trapped in a bed that's not even mine
I've been put down too many times,
Lived too many lives, lost too many loves,
but I'll be fine.

I tell myself that I love myself--
Is it really true?
Will I ever be myself without you?

I'm dying to find the answer--
sometimes it feels like cancer
swelling in my throat
hearing nothing except a croak.
I'll be fine.

Superego instills doubt in my mind
Am I really fine?
I'll just keep to myself--

Keep wearing my "plastic" smile
struggling to share my feelings with
the ones who care about me.

I'm know I'm not fine,
but I will be only when the closed chambers
of my heart open once again.

we are all broken
but it gets better--
one day you'll wake up
and find the love you
so rightly deserve

If wonder is the key to finding ourselves,
Than loss of wonder is the key to conformity.

If we resign to someone else's idea of wonder,
Do we resign our humanity in the process?

Are we so lost in searching for answers,
That we forget to wonder for ourselves?

We often overlook the beauty of wonder,
When tormented by the lack of answers.

But isn't wonder, in essence, freedom?
An escape that once existed in childhood...

Wonder is eternal, and we will never be stripped
of the thoughts and feelings living inside of us.

Wonder will always take us where we need to go next--
Back to the heart of it all, when it began and ended.

So we find ourselves where land meets water,
The crossroads of a journey into the unknown.