I'm an idiot for not realizing how much I loved you
and now I'm too late

Clock strikes midnight and I’m ready to leave
Never really could stay in the same place for more than nine months

Growing up
I was a zebra in a room full of lions
Still am
With long spider legs
And birthmarks sprinkled around my face and body
My big beautiful dad hands
Shy personality
I stick out like a sore thumb

Living a lonely little kid life
I learned to love
I don’t want others to feel the way I did
Instead of floating around my brothers who treated me like a ghost
I went off to play with my mom
Failed once again
packed my bags and moved onto my cat
She hissed and scratched
I cried
No one wanted me

I searched for my people
Looking high and low
Using everyone else’s personality but my own
I found them for a while
Until the wind whistled
And decided it’s time to blew them away
Jumping  from person to person
Finding good in them
I was told I was wrong
So I kept to myself and became the sad girl no one wants to be friends with
Rolling her eyes and dismissing everything people say
Wondering in the corner
Why people don’t like her

I’m ready to leave
Trapped inside five years of the same cycle
I’m ready to shed my skin
Leave my old life behind
And start fresh
I’m not afraid of the future
For me, change is like water
I don’t drink as much as I want to
But I’ll die without it.

I was home alone
Sitting in my room
When ringing invited itself into my home
A package has been delivered

I jumped  up
My feet barely touching the ground
And made my way to the door
It was another summer day
Soft wind blowing
Trees rustling in the distance
Birds singing joyful songs of freedom

As I open the door
The smell of summer morning slaps me in the face
Telling me it’s time to wake up

I grab the package
My fingers swiftly graze the tape
My eyes wonder
And fear holds me tight
An invader
I realize I’m in grave danger

A scream leaves my lips
Dropping the package
I run inside
I close the door and look through the sparkling glass window
There he sits
On the side of my fence
Chirping knowing that he’s in power

Behind me walks my knight in shining armor
Calmly making her way towards me
Minding her own business
Fear takes the lead
And I reach for help

Quickly opening the door
I swing her short furry legs
Once
Twice
And on the third time
Boom
Target is down

Tears find themselves in my eyes
And camp in for a while
I thank my cat
For saving my life
And we go back home to eat
Never to speak of what happened again

In too deep, can’t get out
My mind keeps racing, running for a while now, can’t get ahead

Fire in my veins
I can’t lie for any longer
Never going to be who you wanted to be
Everyone hates me

if you get to know me
you'll regret it

The room fills with gas
Slowly seeping through the vents
Breathe in
Breathe out
I’m suffocating under your grasp
Drowning
My eyes wide open
Lips turning blue
Forming the words
"it was you"