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Dec 2023 · 551
Comfort in the Rays
Em Dec 2023
I settle on a seat distant from the world and my life
Here I observe the souls of those overcome with strife  
Settling on a bench sheltered with fallen flowers
from the shivers of trees recovering from nighttime terrors
Red plaid shorts damp beneath me
A book sprawled open on my lap watching with pure envy
as my eyes trace a phrase my mind is quickly trapped in
"its the truth even if it didn't happen"
I experience the sun blaze its rays down onto my thighs
Drawing crimson marks with my nails, I analyze
There's a strange sense of comfort in the burning sensation
The fear of not knowing what to expect consumes my self isolation
The unknown lingers in my mind, crimson now engrossed
I can always trust that the sunlight will never stop sizzling sunburnt skin
So instead of cursing the pain, I find it sublime
for it is the most secure I've felt in a long time
rewrite of a previous poem
Dec 2023 · 1.2k
Neptune
Em Dec 2023
sometimes being with him feels like im drowning
waves in my stomach crashing
the tides rise and fall in my chest
cause of death: i was obsessed
wept too many tears
caused myself to drown in a planet of my own fears
haven't written in a while I just wanna get all my thoughts out even if they may make more sense in my head
May 2022 · 1.5k
Girl Meets Girl
Em May 2022
Girl is alone
Girl stays up hours imagining what her future husband acts like
And how life may be with him
Girl meets boy
Girl creates his personality in her mind
Wonders what she can take from him
Girl sets her standards so high up boy can’t reach
So Girl gets bored and moves on
Her mind is a factory working to craft the perfect man
Nothing is right
Until
Girl meets girl
Spends hours talking to girl
Girl would never want to change anything about girl
When the world falls apart around them
Everything is okay
When Girl loves girl
Rough Draft
Em May 2022
i feel like im playing an intense game
of mental tennis
in my mind
i serve
"i think i might be a lesbian"
the ball comes hurling back twice as hard
i didnt expect it
"you cant be a lesb*an, your family would completely reject you"
i miss
15 love
they serve
"youve had crushes on boys before"
I hit
"but i only liked the boy i made up in my mind, he was a silhouette of a boy who had feminine qualities"
they hit back
"you have to like boys. its whats right"
30 love
I forfeit
inner dialogue
Apr 2022 · 262
Ignorace is bliss
Em Apr 2022
I'm grateful for my mind
But most of the time I wish I could think like everyone else
Not having to always feel the need to be more mature
or look at the bright side of things
Everyone tells me I'm "mature for my age"
So I keep exhausting myself
Wishing I could cut the rope to the tug of war competition in my head
The back and forth of wanting to wallow with the moon but knowing that sunshine will wash away the worry
I want to live without being concerned about what my future self will think of me
I want to be a selfish ignorant teen
But I care too much about how I am perceived to others
And I need adult validation to function
Apr 2022 · 1.0k
Comfort in the Sunshine
Em Apr 2022
I choose an area where I can watch from afar
Sit on a bench covered in the clouds light tears from the morning
My red plaid shorts damp beneath me
A book sprawled on my lap, eyes tracing the outline of the sentence I can't stop re reading
"it's the truth even if it didn't happen"
I experience the sun blazing down on my thighs
I trace the red marks on my strawberry skin with my nails
Finding a strange sense of comfort in the burning sensation
A sense of knowing that no matter what
One can always expect the sun to burn
I don't like the thought of not knowing what to expect
the isolation in the unknown
I can trust that the sun will never stop sizzling my skin
And although it hurts, it's the safest I've felt in a while
Trying to get back into poetry again
Feb 2021 · 1.9k
Candy Cane Crush
Em Feb 2021
There she sat in front of me with her red lipstick on and a smile that showed off her pearly white teeth that always seemed to light up a room
but something was off
Was it the sweetness I felt, disappearing when I looked at her?
Only the tingling on my tongue after eating too many sour candies was left as I saw her smile slowly curve down each day I saw her
She had a lot of sour moments now that I look back.
I miss the fresh peppermint laughs we shared
what's left now is a silhouette
a wrapper of what we could have been
and now as I sit here looking through her
I begin to crack from the way she makes me feel
She doesn't know
She'll never know about the red stripes she left on me
can a shattered candy cane be put back together?
it might seem impossible
some parts may be lost
but with some time
I'll be back on my feet again
and she'll move on to someone sweeter
maybe a gumdrop this time
Without losing her
I would never have found my marshmallows friends who I know I can always fall back on their soft embrace
They will be there supporting me till my expiration date
I rewrote my last poem because I've changed a lot since 2019 and thank god I did. The ends kinda cringe lol
Dec 2019 · 261
candy cane crush
Em Dec 2019
There she sat in front of me with her beautiful smile that always seemed to light up the room
but somethings missing
Is it the sweetness I felt when I looked at her
or the fresh peppermint laughs we shared
now as I sit here
I shatter from the way she makes me feel
She doesn't know
She'll never know about the red stripes she left on me
can a shattered candy cane be put back together?
it might seem impossible
some parts may be lost
but with some time
I'll be back on my feet again
and she'll move on to someone sweeter
maybe a gumdrop this time
May 2019 · 999
time ran out
Em May 2019
I'm an idiot for not realizing how much I loved you
and now I'm too late
it's been a while since my depression's been around and that's the only time i can write poetry
Mar 2019 · 261
Little Thing Big World
Em Mar 2019
Clock strikes midnight and I’m ready to leave
Never really could stay in the same place for more than nine months

Growing up
I was a zebra in a room full of lions
Still am
With long spider legs
And birthmarks sprinkled around my face and body
My big beautiful dad hands
Shy personality
I stick out like a sore thumb

Living a lonely little kid life
I learned to love
I don’t want others to feel the way I did
Instead of floating around my brothers who treated me like a ghost
I went off to play with my mom
Failed once again
packed my bags and moved onto my cat
She hissed and scratched
I cried
No one wanted me

I searched for my people
Looking high and low
Using everyone else’s personality but my own
I found them for a while
Until the wind whistled
And decided it’s time to blew them away
Jumping  from person to person
Finding good in them
I was told I was wrong
So I kept to myself and became the sad girl no one wants to be friends with
Rolling her eyes and dismissing everything people say
Wondering in the corner
Why people don’t like her

I’m ready to leave
Trapped inside five years of the same cycle
I’m ready to shed my skin
Leave my old life behind
And start fresh
I’m not afraid of the future
For me, change is like water
I don’t drink as much as I want to
But I’ll die without it.
Mar 2019 · 648
The invader
Em Mar 2019
I was home alone
Sitting in my room
When ringing invited itself into my home
A package has been delivered

I jumped  up
My feet barely touching the ground
And made my way to the door
It was another summer day
Soft wind blowing
Trees rustling in the distance
Birds singing joyful songs of freedom

As I open the door
The smell of summer morning slaps me in the face
Telling me it’s time to wake up

I grab the package
My fingers swiftly graze the tape
My eyes wonder
And fear holds me tight
An invader
I realize I’m in grave danger

A scream leaves my lips
Dropping the package
I run inside
I close the door and look through the sparkling glass window
There he sits
On the side of my fence
Chirping knowing that he’s in power

Behind me walks my knight in shining armor
Calmly making her way towards me
Minding her own business
Fear takes the lead
And I reach for help

Quickly opening the door
I swing her short furry legs
Once
Twice
And on the third time
Boom
Target is down

Tears find themselves in my eyes
And camp in for a while
I thank my cat
For saving my life
And we go back home to eat
Never to speak of what happened again
a silly poem i quickly wrote
Feb 2019 · 268
Inside "I'm fine"
Em Feb 2019
In too deep, can’t get out
My mind keeps racing, running for a while now, can’t get ahead

Fire in my veins
I can’t lie for any longer
Never going to be who you wanted to be
Everyone hates me
i hate my songs rn, any recommendations?
Feb 2019 · 400
mistakes
Em Feb 2019
if you get to know me
you'll regret it
just a little something I've been thinking about
Jan 2019 · 286
Blind Fold
Em Jan 2019
The room fills with gas
Slowly seeping through the vents
Breathe in
Breathe out
I’m suffocating under your grasp
Drowning
My eyes wide open
Lips turning blue
Forming the words
"it was you"
Jan 2019 · 406
Wounds of a Surviver
Em Jan 2019
Blue marks crawl up your arms
Blood spilling to the ground

The cloth that once was crystal white
Turning red before your eyes

As I duck away from my mind
I find myself fighting back

Because this time
They will not see the pain behind my eyes

Because this time
I don't need anyone's acceptance

And I realize now
That I never needed it in the first place
Not the best poem I've ever written
Jan 2019 · 1.2k
Beauty is Pain
Em Jan 2019
My favorite thing to do is to pick and scratch at my insecurities
Beauty is pain
It breaks your body
And shatters your insides
I keep discovering new things about myself I hate
Trying to erase the problems
But I’m not able to paint over the entire canvas
I leave little lines
Pencil marks
Bent corners
Scars
Breaking the layer of protective skin
through the armor
And under my smile
My one man army struggling to keep up with the war
Not being able to find any new soldiers that want to stay and protect the piece of forgotten land that I am
I’m so large yet I’m still not placed on the map
couldn't think of a better title
Jan 2019 · 295
Blue Boy
Em Jan 2019
The boy with the light stare
The strawberry blond hair
The innocent blue eyes with a dark past
The liar next door
He wears the same outfit daily
Hiding behind the black
Talking slow as he stumbles to find the right words
Never seeming to catch up with his bright mind
So he pretends
Walking with his head down and his back bent forward
hiding the scars sitting on the protective layer of skin
Because everyone told him he was wrong
And soon enough he started to believe them
They used him up
Until he was nothing
And left him there to rot
I wrote this two years ago so I tried to fix it but its not very good.
Jan 2019 · 304
Hide Away
Em Jan 2019
We’re not in the closet because we want to be
We were pushed inside
They threw out the key
Found a way out
And still not free
I just realized it kind of rhythms
Jan 2019 · 962
A Stupid Love Poem
Em Jan 2019
There's this thing that I've always wanted to tell you but I don't know how
I know you you know this but I love you
You might not know this but I need you
When you hold me the world around us melts away
Your face reminds me everyday that I am
100% gay
I've been watching couples in movies for months now and all I think about is your hand holding mine
You help me become a better person and help people around you in every way possible
I've never met someone who is so niceness and compliments
I talk about you all the time
It's kind of sad
I don't want to love you but I can't help myself
Jan 2019 · 184
Force a Smile
Em Jan 2019
The weight of your lies slams down against the corners of your mouth
Lock yourself up and swallow your fears
Choke on your tears until your last breath
Nobody will be there for you’re last words
Find yourself in the world behind the mirror
Dive deeper than anyone you thought cared about you has gone
Until your floating away into the space where emotions were replaced with emptiness
And joy was forced out by an avalanche of thoughts
It feels unnatural
I know
But it’s better than breaking somebody the way you broke yourself.

— The End —