so you say I am not putting effort into us....
you accused me of being distant and heartless....
while I laid in bed praying you'd call me or text me.
I woke up every morning hoping to hear from you
anything from the simplest hey to the most meaningful good morning.
I would think about your eyes and how they were so blue.... how badly I wanted them to look at me.... truthfully.
I craved to know you
how you liked your coffee,
your favourite dessert
favourite season
anything.
anything to get me a glimpse of who you are.
but you shrugged me off
saying you were busy....
I respected that, I respected you.
until you said you loved me
it truly did break me....
you were such a good liar until those words slipped from you lips.
you did not love me,
you just loved yourself to much.

they say don’t let the emotions gain control over your body.
But that is *******.
Actually — let it.

Let yourself fully feel every little bit of emotion
you always tried to hide so stubbornly.

And use it.
Gain energy from it.
And use it to heal
yourself.

I could tell right from the start there was much more to your heart,
for all those little things that made you smile.
I really didn't want to want you like I did.... (do)
but there were depths to you that were so beautiful I needed more,
I craved to know that side of you.... of one so pure.
but you should have saved yourself.
I wanted to know every secret you kept hidden away inside.
I wanted to know when you spoke what was going through your brilliant mind.
there was so much more than meets the eyes.
you always chose your words before you spoke.... just another reason you should have saved yourself.
I dove in without giving you a second to breathe, forgetting everything I wasn't and everything you were.
I could tell from the very start that I weighed heavy on your heart.
If only I had the strength to turn around,
or only you the strength to save yourself.
You were just so pure, not yet tainted by this world as I.
you knew of sorrow, but not yet have it break you.... until I.
really you should have saved yourself and find someone else.
but it was to late now....
to far in to turn around.
we let our feelings take control....
when you really should have been saving yourself....

I liked connecting the dots when I was younger—
drawing a line from dot to dot to make the picture.
My tongue between my teeth, with concentration traced on my face
as I connected the dots to make the picture.

I still like connecting the dots.
But now, I’m trying to make the picture of who I am now—
why I am the way I am now.
Connecting the dots to find out what happened
to the old me—the hopeful me, the happy me.

Connecting the dots to find the events that led up
to this different person I’ve become,
connecting the dots to make the picture of me now, inside and out.

I’ve connected the dots.
There is no picture—just a jumble of lines
leading in no clear direction, passing over each other, and lines cut off, just one massive knot of confusion.

So, with my tongue between my teeth
and concentration traced on my face,
I’m trying to make a new picture.
No dots, no lines—just me,
making the best new me I can.

Accept that future is unknown and trust in your ability to handle anything that comes your way.

Jesus- has got to be the foundation to get others to Heaven
Others- a lot easier when Jesus is the foundation
Yourself- to love others as yourself you have to love yourself
= JOY

My life is beautiful, a canvas wide,

Painted with colors that coincide

.Each stroke of joy, each hue of pain

, A masterpiece born from sun and rain.

The mornings whisper with golden light

"Everything is good and dreams are the light"

Each laughter makes me proud as the sun

Each tear makes me happy as the rain run

Through shadowed paths and skies so blue ,I find my strength, my heart stays true.

From every shadow, light will rise,  

Through every doubt, hope never dies.

Your life is as beautiful as mine.

.............................................MI. Fathima Asna