When you fall in love for the first time
You won’t even know it’s happening
The dancing streets, heels against cobblestones
The glow of the lampposts
Things you wouldn’t even whisper
You are now ready to exclaim
The whole world is spinning and yet
It is perfectly still
In this great, big universe
It is just two sets of eyes
And the landmarks we created

The park benches where we were honest for the first time
Where you made sure i was okay before we got up
The truth can do that to you -
Knock the wind out of your sails

Or the first time we touched each other on purpose
I linked your arm with mine
And i could feel the stars burning above us
And the moon sneaking a glance
As we ‘forgot’ all about it
And you walked me home

The first time i went to that pizza place
I only joined you because we had things to discuss
Not for your company, why of course not
With every laugh
It became harder to think of a reason that i hated you in the first place

I thought only  i experienced the clock ticking slower
Every second you weren’t with me
But the calls and the texts
And the exasperated “where were you”s put that all to rest

So i made the leap
And served my heart on a silver platter
Full, beating and red
And i watched you watch it beat blue and gasp

But  now time doesn’t seem to pass at all when we’re together
And everytime we’re alone we wait for someone to join us;
our desperate eyes search, pleading with anyone to end our suffering
I watch you when i used to run to you
And i miss you when i see you every single day

I love you
But i can’t do this anymore
We can’t even pretend to be friends properly
I remember what you said
Believe me, every word
But I felt us that night
We saw each other for the first time
I don’t think I’ve ever had that with anyone
And despite what you say
I don’t think you have either

Strangers think we’re in love
Your friends and my friends
Steal glances every time we look at each other
We weren’t alone
It felt like it was just us
But everyone got to witness
The way we were
I didn’t stop smiling for three months

I miss you
I miss your honesty
I was trying to break down a wall
And you threw open the gates
Now i can’t even see the wall anymore

I’m on the outside looking in
Losing what we had was hard enough
I wasn’t prepared to lose you as a friend
I don’t think i’ll ever be
but we haven’t been friends for ages
So who are we kidding
I knew this didn’t need a dramatic close
You don’t need me to take a bow

So I was ready to watch you from afar
Having you in my rearview was better than not having you at all
But just as I take my first breaths
You hook yourself on
And I have to learn all over again

I refuse to do this anymore
We are not friends
You didn’t have to admit anything because i wasn’t prepared to lose you
But it’s time
For this ship to sail
You are losing me.

This is what I see when I look at you,
someone that the world has beaten down over and over
yet this has only made you stronger instead of a victim

someone that has pulled himself out of the darkness countless times
only to have it make him brighter

I see someone who has been lost with no direction
yet created a map through the unknown to guide you home

I see someone who has fought
someone that gives his all
someone that loves so hard he sometimes forgets to love himself

I see someone that has the world waiting at his fingers tips
someone that deserves peace
someone I am more than proud of

I wish you could see yourself through my eyes

You didn’t want to leave any words left unsaid, so we laid it all out there on the table.
But that was then, and this is now, and I just wanted to tell you I miss you. Nothing more, nothing less, I just wanted you to know.

You told me you didn’t want us to have any words left unsaid that night, so I told you everything, but over-thinkers like us can never really leave a conversation with everything on the table.
I didn’t tell you thank you, thank you for making me want to be the best version of myself, and for making me feel butterflies I thought were dead forever.
I’ve had to keep my mind busy, for when it stops I always find my thoughts displaying our memories like art in a museum, I keep racing to the door, but it’s locked and I can’t escape, I feel trapped in a nightmare I can’t wake up from.
If you’re reading this I have only one more thing to say, it doesn’t come with subtext or any expectations, I just want to say I miss you.

I adore you beyond compare, far into the realms of radiant waves and mystic wonders

I cherish you like a child, naive, clean and everlasting, multiplying
Devout flashes of light, felt deeply beyond dim vision

Complete, singular, tender, convinced
The whole of my spirit has been conquered

Luminous shining celestial light
Dreams of you lift my soul to soar
Exuberantly jumping into the empty space
Embracing all and nothing, the quickest way to bliss is you, you, you!

Finally
remembering
how
to
forget.

I have to forget.

That's all I can do
if I want to be anything
like I used to.

When I was whole,
when my heart was in one piece.

A few months before
your careless love destroyed me.