As Hamilton once said,
"I imagine death so much
it feels more like a memory."
The thoughts come often,
images of the ways I could **** myself
flashing in my mind.
I walk by a busy road
and I imagine jumping into it.
I stand on top of a building,
and I imagine falling off of it.
I see a bottle of pills,
and I wonder how many it would take to overdose
My mind,
constantly looking for ways out,
searching for the end result of death.
My body has decided to shut off all emotions.
Just cold calculations.
My mind has started to drift away
from my body,
as if I am not of myself anymore.
I don't want to die,
and that is my biggest problem.
It seems as if my mind and my body
want me dead,
but I want me alive.
I can't hurt anyone else,
and I am too much of a coward
to go into the unknowns of the next world.
So I stay here,
trapped in my mind,
trapped in my memories,
trapped with the thoughts and calculations,
of death.