Here you are still, once again, or shall I say, more than ‘once’..
When was the last time you actually felt worthy? Not as much towards the universe because that’s a tremendously scary huge scale; but to the ones around you, to your daily use objects and mostly, to yourself. Have you ever felt it? If not, what were you truly feeling? And please tell me something new, something other than the one and only numbing ‘emptiness’ that has always lingered in the cavity of your chest.
That has always lingered in the cavity of your chest and ribs, so strong and powerful that it made your heart beat faster than its normal pace, each speeding pulse giving a booming sound that echoed in the linings of your stomach and vibrated your walls of the intestines. It made you sick darling, made you sick that you almost vomited your entrails inside-out, it made your often spinning head upside-down as the adrenaline rush increased as if some ominous shadow has been chasing you.
You’ve felt it, your blood heating up, its boiling point exceeding a hundred.
You know what’s funny? Your frosty cold limbs, the tip of your nose. Your bruised knuckles cracking in harmony as you spoke in low tones just to keep the act of communication going. “Ouch”, now your jaw hurts too from smiling but that’s good! Good, unless it’s not from the bottom of your heart.
And now your friends keep asking, your mother keeps asking, your room’s walls keep asking: “When will you change your outfit?” and all you ever say:
“Someday, but not today.”
If it concerns you, what’s that outfit again? “Not okay.” I’d say.
