How I wish my eyes could Grace love
And my heart embrace nature's freshness,
In it finest and purest from.

Oh,how I wish I was a poet,
How I wish my hand will listen to my heart,
I would have told the world how beautiful it was
With words too deep to say.

Oh,how I wish I can make words come alive,
Live would have been more easer for me.
How I wish I can write,
Love wouldn't have died,
Peace would had last longer.

Oh, if only my heart will speak to my hand,
Then I will whisper in to the world's ears
That her smiles are hidden in hope.

Oh, I wish I was a poet and nothing more😒
Alas, I could only wish and always wish
That I wish I was a poet!!....

With each passing day
The light inside me dies
Surrounding me in eternal darkness
And snuffing out any form of happiness

I beg and I plead for relief
But it never comes
It only gets worse
And I can’t take it anymore

I love him with every fiber of my being
Yet nothing I say or do matters
It’s like he doesn’t care anymore
And I’m tired of this pain

I try and I try
To hide all of it
From his gaze
But I can’t hide forever

He says he still cares for me a lot
But honestly with his actions
It speaks the opposite
I just wish he would speak the truth

Speak from your heart
Don’t hide anything
Let it all out
Just like I have done

Lay your very soul
Upon the table bare
So we can finally understand
One another’s feelings

I fear that I don’t have much left
My will is slowly fading
I’ve already reverted back to self harm
Soon it will start to get worse

My heart will start to decay
Turning off all care for life
I will constantly be fighting
My darkest of thoughts

Thoughts that I haven’t had
Since I was a teenager
Thoughts that I could suppress
Just by looking at him

Seeing his dorky grin
The smell of his skin
The gentleness of his touch
The love in his eyes

These things made me so happy
That I couldn’t think like that
I didn’t want to think like that
All I cared about was being with him

Now I have mixed feelings
Feelings of betrayal and fear
Of longing and anger
Of love and regret

I know he won’t talk
Cause every time we try
It just makes it works
Cause he won’t say anything

I ask if things will be okay
I ask if I will ever be with him again
But all he says is give it time
And I see no love in his eyes

I see no more longing
No more want
No more pleading
Just vacant eyes staring back

I start to ponder
If I was ever good enough
If I will ever make it through this
Will I ever be happy again

But with how things are going
I doubt I will ever be happy
My heart is in so much pain
I feel like I’m dying

And it’s only getting worse
With each passing day
So I beg of you
Just talk to me one last time

Let everything out
Don’t hold back
There is so much to say
That you try and hide

Some people view internal pain as a joke
But what they don't realize is if left unchecked
That pain can become external and hurt even worse
Like right now I feel like I'm having a stroke

Though I know it's nothing that serious
It hurts just the same
Feeling the numbness and burning
All around my heart

Gripping it so tightly
That my lungs start to collapse
My breathing begins to hasten
As my chest compacts within

Clawing at my chest
I begin to rip skin
Hoping that the pain
Will soon end

But sadly it doesn't
And I start to panic
Grabbing the closest sharp object
And slicing across my wrists

The pain subsides for a time
As the blood trickles down my arms
Feeling the sting as the air brushes the wounds
Causes a temporary fix to the sorrow I feel

Though I know it's not a good thing to do
I can't do anything else
Cause I made a promise to him
That he would never come home to a dead body

So I sit here staring at the crimson lines
Tears filling up my eyes
As the fog over
Hoping for time to rewind

I have a few more days
In this prison cell
That they call
A hospital ward

Too long has it been
Since I have tasted freedom
I now feel like
I'm on a bed of roses

Feeling my skin
Getting ripped apart
Bit by little bit
It bleeds over the thorns

Soaking into the petals
Staining the white buds red
Dripping down to the floor
And making a pool of crimson

Waiting with anxiety
And anguish
Hoping to be free
To roam around once again

To walk amongst the living
To cast out my shadow
And inhale the fresh air
With my toes in the sand

But that seems like hopeful wishing
And maybe it is
But that is my wish
For a perfect vacation

I think I've run out of things to say.
I'm staring out into pouring rain
Wishing, hoping, it will take the pain
Away, away, away.

I have always wanted love, always wanted trust,
Have always wished for a person to care.
But alas my heart is made of rust,
And I'm a pervert being not rare…

This is all sad,
No love no life,
Dreaming of things I never would have or had,
Inside the ribcage hurt as with a knife…

Many times I wonder for my sakes,
Why did I become such a torn?
There are lots of mistakes,
But none are compared to me being born…

I have always wished to hug a friend,
And give a hand to lend,
Feel the circle of love and trust, and smile,
Bit I am nothing… nothing but a useless garbage pile…

I have always dreamed of having trust.
Of having people rely on me,
But I'm made of lust,
With one thing in mind, "I'm free."

My life makes me cry,
Everything in me is wild and ******,
I was given one big lie,
"You would be forever happy."

The girls I spot attract my thoughts and me,
I have nothing to do, I hate it,
I wish and want to let them be,
But my sinful eyes always want to stare a bit…

There are many borders,
Many that we can't cross there and here,
The mind gives us ideas and orders,
Which we never fear…

Let them be a thought to ****,
A thought to crime,
A thought to make your mind go ill;
Yes, nothing we fear… alas my mind reached the time…

My mind orders me to reach out,
But I hold on tight,
There's always a rout,
With a struggle and a fight…

"Why no one trusts?
Why no one listens either,
I dont want any lusts,
All I want is a bad mind neither."

These words are long ago forgotten,
They existed, helped, but now are rotten.
No one trusts me anymore,
I was pure and golden before, but now I'm a useless nasty *****…

All my smiles and creativity,
Zoomed off to trash and "simplicity".
My heart, my mouth, never missed a needing face,
But alas, my heart turned as spiky as a mace…

My face has a smirk, my eyes only show the dark,
My mouth is a b*tch,
In my reflection I search for a spartk,
But already my mouth cursed me to the oppsite of golden and rich…

I give up being good,
Before I feared being rude,
Now I struggle to have a happy mood,
I'm not trusted, it's done, now I'm only a bit more happy in my hood.…

Trust and love is always rare,
Fun and prises, always looks like a fare,
I can say only one thing as at the darkness I stare,
"It always ends with me ignoring to care…"



-Mishka Wayz"