I'm lost in the depths of my own mind,

suffocating under the weight of my thoughts.

Reality is distorted,

truth and lies are intertwined.

Every moment feels like a ticking time bomb,

waiting to unleash its destruction.

I'm paralyzed by the fear of being hurt again.

You're a potential threat,

a risk I'm not willing to take.

I scrutinize your every move,

waiting for the inevitable mistake.

But beneath this façade of self preservation,

a voice whispers the painful truth:

I'm the one who's broken, I'm the one who's afraid.

The ghosts of the past still haunt me,

their echoes reverberating through my soul.

I'm trapped in this cycle of fear,

pushing away anyone who dares to get close.

I'm convinced I'm better off alone,

safe behind the walls I've built.

Yet, in this isolation,

I'm drowning in my own despair,

longing for connection,

but terrified of the vulnerability it requires.

This self imposed exile is a double edged sword.

It protects me from the pain of rejection,

but also denies me the warmth of human connection.

I'm a master of deflection,

disguising my fear as indifference.

I'll push you away, test your resolve,

and measure your love by the distance

you're willing to travel.

But what if you stay?

What if you see beyond the armor I've crafted,

beyond the scars and the fears?

What if you touch the fragile heart beating beneath?

The thought sends shivers down my spine.

For vulnerability is a risk I've never been willing to take.

Yet, the possibility tantalizes me,

It's like a siren's call to the depths of my soul.

In this tug of war between heart and head,

I'm torn asunder.

And a part of me yearns to surrender,

to let go of the controls and freefall into the unknown.

Another part clings to the familiar,

the comfort of solitude, the certainty of pain.

And so I hover,

suspended between two worlds,

unsure which path to choose.

For the silence in here is deafening,

mirroring a reflection of the war raging within me.

I cling to you
When the world scratches
And howls like a wolf.
A place that's well lit,
Safe from harm.
I find my way to you
Following the echo
Of the howl.
Hoping that it doesn't
Recede before I am there.

The world around is more
Dangerous at night,
Broken branches, the chitter
Of odd and hungry creatures.
I, too, hunger to find you
Before its too late,
Willing to scratch and claw
On this unkempt, jagged edge.

Its much too cold away from you.
The warmth of your skin,
The fire of your heart.
I can feel it pulsate
through my veins. When the world
Goes mad,
And begins to howl
in hunger.
Your chest is the shelter
I turn to, the only place
The world hasn't gotten to.

In distant silence, an ache lingers like a forgotten song,
a haunting melody that echoes through
the hollows of an empty home.

Each separation,
a poignant note in the music of longing.
The desire to convey the depth of absence becomes restrained vulnerability where a heart yearns for more than routine inquiries—
a connection that transcends the ordinary.

Yet, in the vast expanse,
the unspoken lingers as a melancholic language,
a narrative of desire and restraint.

Frustration emerges from unmet desires,
a delicate dance where the fear of vulnerability clashes
with the yearning for profound connection.

Silently, the heart navigates the surface,
resisting the urge to delve into the intricacies of emotions.

Now, a choice is made to reveal little,
to traverse the silence with a delicate grace,
as the unexpressed yearns to be heard in the still expanse.