I miss the feelings I got from being high,
of belonging to the static in my mind.
I miss closing my eyes and just thinking,
waking up without a memory of anything
besides a feeling I only ever got with a pill
or two or ten,
but now I'm beside myself
feeling things I can't verbalize without beating the words to death,
and I can't handle any more death,
lost all my energy after creating a eulogy for everyone I tried to be.
all the butterflies in my stomach are words I swallowed once upon a time,
choked them down,
choked on them,
and I'm still trying to cough them out
all this time later.
I know breathing exercises,
but I don't think those matter when I can't catch my breath.
some things never change.

Like a guilty dog looking
at a chewed discarded shoe.
You amused me,
I used you.

Did I have to tear you?
Did I really have a choice?
I knew I didn't care for you
or the bla bla of your voice.

Now I drink and start to think,
I must be more than this.
Breaking young and hopeful hearts
with just "I'll call you" and a kiss.

you told me i was everything
yet you treated me like i was nothing
how convenient for you to compliment me only when you needed me
to get into my pants and satisfy your own hunger
but how stupid of me to let you in repeatedly

He uses
your heart
to fill
his appetite

And now I lay me down to sleep,
Adventure bound, it’s time to dream.

At once I’m in an ocean vast
As captain now, I climb the mast.
“Fire at will!” I scream out loud,
“Direct the cannons towards the bow!”.

The sky tears open, the scene has changed,
I’m strolling in the summer rain.
I grab my lady by the hand,
We’re off to see the ice cream man.
I get a shake, and she a malt,
Now yet again, the action halts.

Floating through the galaxy,
The moon now smiles up at me.
I wipe my helmet with my shirt,
And radio my crew on Earth.
“It’s gorgeous, more than I can say.”
And then I start to slip away.

The morning comes and wakes me up,
I rise and grab my coffee cup.
But this is the worst part you see,
When I wake up...and I’m still me.

I am humiliated for loving you,
For trusting you,
For believing you were someone worth fighting for.

I broke my morals and beliefs,
I gave you my heart so foolishly,
You turned out to be everything I hoped I’d never find.

You disgust me,
Not because you broke my heart,
Because you made me a second choice.

You made me look weak,
I am the girl who wasn’t good enough,
I am the girl who is pitied now.

Hope she was worth it,
Leaving me for someone else,
I am not second best and you helped me see that.

If you knew how much pain you caused me you would never be able to look me in the eye again.