I sometimes don't want to talk to people
like everyone just gets so annoying
and I just need some 'me' time
some time alone.

and when you ask to be alone,
people find it rude and they even call you antisocial.

and when you stay amongst people with moody you
they say you're giving them attitude

like what am I supposed to do exactly
what do y'all want exactly?
why is society so freaking confusing and unappreciative
Someone tell me, Someone give me an answer please.

reach out a hand
try and grasp the beams of sun that shine through the window panes
feel the warmth on your skin, soak it all up
fear when the sky goes black, as if a curtain has been pulled over it
hear them call you out, they feast at night
listen to their pleads, their cries, begging for you to come back
try to make yourself visible in the pale moonlight, they can't take you home unless you are surrounded by the darkness
notice as your hands begin to tremble
"i don't want to go back"
watch as bright white dots appear out of nowhere, just like the stars above
close your eyes and tell them you're not afraid of them anymore
try to convince them, try to make them believe the lies you're telling them

open, for it is morning
and the sun feels like heaven on your skin
and you know the night will come soon after
but for now the demons have vanished, and you, you have lived through another fight with the nights sinful ways

Maybe, we're not entirely scared of Love

maybe we're just scared on the idea
of being vulnerable and weak and dependent.

Freaking out whenever we feel
our walls crumble down
for someone

   - and we can't afford
       to let our adamant walls down

I will never admit to my faults
i will never admit that sometimes
you seem too much to handle and my brain goes into overdrive
and pounds, oh my god does it pound

louder than my heart against my rib cage when you say my name
harder than a jackhammer hitting concrete
a constant pounding, fuelled by this almost
palpable fear that you're just too good
and good never stays so I am waiting for you to leave
like the rest of them

I'll never admit to you
that I'm terrfied
and that sometimes tears fill my eyes
and my hands shake
and I get cold before I have to see your face
because I am so terrified of these
feelings? I guess they can be called that,
but they feel more like daggers rather than anything else.

they say that infatuation shouldn't feel painful
but my god it is
even writing this my heart is hurting
and that is what i cannot understand

why i have to make something that feels so safe
into a danger zone
in which, i am bound to get hurt
but this time, it feels like I am the perpetrator
of the mass destruction that is to come
and I don't know how to stop it.

Oh, how easy it would be?
With these evil thoughts
That just seem to overtake.
I know they are lies
Just trying to eat me from the inside
And just trying make me cry.
But, oh, how they make me always think
How easy it would be.

Can’t move.
Can’t think.

Terrified.

Stand as everyone stares.

Head being squeezed.
Being squeezed more and more.

Eyes water.
Tears make rivers.

No control.
Lost control.

Happened again.

Stuck.

Calm down.

Shake away everyone that crowded around.

“It was nothing.”
“Don’t worry.”

They go away.

Continue the day.

Don’t let anyone know what happened.
That it happened again.