I will never admit to my faults
i will never admit that sometimes
you seem too much to handle and my brain goes into overdrive
and pounds, oh my god does it pound

louder than my heart against my rib cage when you say my name
harder than a jackhammer hitting concrete
a constant pounding, fuelled by this almost
palpable fear that you're just too good
and good never stays so I am waiting for you to leave
like the rest of them

I'll never admit to you
that I'm terrfied
and that sometimes tears fill my eyes
and my hands shake
and I get cold before I have to see your face
because I am so terrified of these
feelings? I guess they can be called that,
but they feel more like daggers rather than anything else.

they say that infatuation shouldn't feel painful
but my god it is
even writing this my heart is hurting
and that is what i cannot understand

why i have to make something that feels so safe
into a danger zone
in which, i am bound to get hurt
but this time, it feels like I am the perpetrator
of the mass destruction that is to come
and I don't know how to stop it.

Oh, how easy it would be?
With these evil thoughts
That just seem to overtake.
I know they are lies
Just trying to eat me from the inside
And just trying make me cry.
But, oh, how they make me always think
How easy it would be.

Can’t move.
Can’t think.

Terrified.

Stand as everyone stares.

Head being squeezed.
Being squeezed more and more.

Eyes water.
Tears make rivers.

No control.
Lost control.

Happened again.

Stuck.

Calm down.

Shake away everyone that crowded around.

“It was nothing.”
“Don’t worry.”

They go away.

Continue the day.

Don’t let anyone know what happened.
That it happened again.

The world is a terrible place
Judging someone because of race
Seeing a face
And looking at it with disgrace
Having choices
We can't choose, but must face
The world is a terrible place

I loved you
You smiled because you knew
Our love grew
Until you broke my heart halfway through
You shattered my expectations i created and drew
My perfect sky blue
Lost its beautiful light hue
Without further adieu
Thank you
For changing my perspective on life anew
The world is a terrible place

Once I thought,
"THE WORLD IS FULL OF dumb HYPOCRITES"........
I criticized them....
The next moment...
I turned to look back...
Nd there I saw was.....
MY OWN FACE.....in the mirror!
Nd....guess what!
I was speechless!......

She picked herself up and built her walls higher than ever before. But she added a door. A door that will either save her or **** her. Her heart is scared to trust but her gut is to confused to say anything. She is terrified but Inlove.

paranoia is fear
no, fear goes away
paranoia is worse than fear
paranoia is being curious and afraid
paranoia takes over your thoughts,
paranoia manipulates your thoughts and emotions,
turns them into something ugly;
something terrifying
not even you can comprehend it in your mind
not even you, can picture what you are afraid of
paranoia never dies.

as paranoia becomes a part of you,
you become constantly anxious
when you begin to overthink,
your heart stops
because you finally realized what you are afraid of.
you are afraid of your own thoughts.
you are afraid of yourself.

I close my eyes
I feel your embrace, from behind
-and whisper in my ear that frowns will wrinkle my pretty little face-
I feel your hands gliding towards my thighs
-and you tell me that you can read a lot in peoples eyes-
I feel your warm breath on my neck
-and then you kiss me on the back-
I feel my skin boiling and my body is tense.
-and you say I need to learn to relax-

...

I wake up, a stranger in my own body.
Just wanting to return home.