I want to write you messages
on small pieces of paper
and put them in the corners
of the advertisements on the A train
in the hopes that you will see them
and recognize my handwriting
and think of me.

Many faces in a subway train,
Non that I know,
Non that I recognize.
The train passed by me and my eyes searched for a familiar face,
Still non that I know.
I came eye to eye with strangers,
But non of them saw me,
Non of them noticed me.
I got on the train and my eyes kept on searching while my heart kept on hoping,
Just to see your face.

You can’t see how my heart
Splinters into a thousand pieces
Raining down, stabbing me from the inside out
As you show her your portfolio

An easygoing smile on your face, you are glowing
As they all bathe in your sunshine
I don’t exist
Why did you ask me to come?

You won’t touch me, I’m a ghost to you
Condemned to watch you bless everyone with gold
To everyone but me
Is this my penance?

I smile, numb myself, change the subject
Look at the magnets on the fridge
I say I’m tired, I’m surprised when you ask me to stay
Is it to let you punish me even more?

On the G I start to choke on a shard lodged in my throat
The world is spinning
I think you forget how big you are
How small I feel around you.

hook a buddy up my heart
is racing
trapped in purple drops of rain
my pulse has been pacing
like a golden train

we were spacing
out for five hours
my words became your worst
your worst became my words

listen to your inner voice:
nobody is without...

the way
towards the abode in your heart
not always  
a clear...well lit
smooth...fast
decorated...direct
quick highway,

at times it's a
dark...dusty
rough...curvy
broken...lonely
long subway,

you've fortified your all
behind the tall
hard walls

and the main gate is out of bound
windows, hard to be found
i wander around

too hopeful to return
at the secret entrance i wait for my turn
someday you will show the concern

drunkenly stumbling
down corridors,
slamming into knees
and train doors.

all with earbuds in—
disgusted looks on their face
as i grab the pole,
and move with haste!

i drop to a seat,
covered in dust
in the last car,
as the cables rust.

no light to be seen,
buried underground—
the traveler on the F train,
when clocks don’t make a sound.