Why do I have to go through this?
When will the chattering ever stop?
Am I capable enough to follow my dreams?
I wonder as I turn the doorknob.

Every cell in my body was hated
by every cell in yours
I was only a child
Would you rather suffocate me in drawers?

What do you even benefit from it?
Being happy in front of others
But spit hateful words without people knowing
Oh what a hypocritical pretender

It’s like being
Chained up
Whipped up
Getting all messed up

Or like the cool cyan water
Being ferociously consumed by
the swift fiery orange
Rushing through like the high tide Seine delta

But Plushies,
Blankies and
Aromatherapy
Radiate through every inch of my body,
Experiencing tranquillity

Faintly hearing...
“Are you alright love?”
“I was afraid you would.”
“I’m glad that you’re okay!”

It's one of those nights,
When I take off from Netflix,
Dump all those excuses,
Give a break to my life,
And sit down to write
About
Those little daisies
Tenderly flickering in the air,
About
Those specks of dust
Warmly mingling with the sunlight in my room,
About
That last particle of confetti
From the party popper to land on the earth,
About
That hushed tick tock
Of a forgotten clock on the wall,
About
That breathy crackle
Sung by a fire under the moon,
About
The stardust
Enveloping all of us,
About
Me.
It's one of those nights again.

I remember you told me
That birds gave you hope.
I understand now that
You could not bear to stay
In the same place for too long.

seashore and sea trucks all clanking their way
with my demons swinging their clubs at bay
the street lights flicker, the shade now the colour
of your pale mellow skin. i bleed in the colour of
the sea, maybe a bit of a whale blue and a tinge of a
seaweed. but the essence is still the smell of your
cigarettes. how can trucks that chug down Pondicherry
smell like typhoons flavoured like berries?
simple flowers that are dying. dry and sore, almost
like how i assume my face is a bore.
i can't do much now can i? i cry here and there
and lift myself and walk with a weak flair
and it's not that bad, because the anagram of my
love put the other way is lifeless.
how nothing can make me so much you ask
its because i kept running away from demons
why you ask, again, because i always loved my demons,
the way i loved your name, so why the race?

because now all my demons have your face.

not because it's full
but
because
you

s
     p    i
                 l            l
                                        e     d
                                                                me.

Commitment
That word alone scares me
Because I've had to deal with people
Abandoning me , leaving me
Having me pick up my broken pieces on my own
So thought of someone staying
Confuses me because they say '' I'll stay ''
But every single time like clockwork
Suddenly it turns into silently leaving me and
Abandoning me out of no where
So yes the word and actual commitment
scares me to the point where I am the one
to leave first to spare myself the hurt
And of course from what I've seen
everyone says they will stay but in reality
once one is vulnerable and shows someone all the reasons
not to stay along with the brokenness
that is their past
Of course they all leave
That's what I deserve / All I'm used to  
So why should I expect you to stay
Back it up with your actions
- excerpt from a book I'll never write

My hands reached for yours
Holding them in between
Just like it happened
In all dreams, I had seen

You smiled; I smiled
"You are beautiful," I said
"No. You are." You said
As if in protest.