Suicide?
Hold on, I'm sorry,
Are you referring to the barbaric act of hands-free ******
By an inhouse intruder
Implementing a vicious, self-righteous onslaught
No?
Oh...
'Cause that's what I got
That's not what you were taught?
You didn't know each and every thought could be on loop and fraught with a dangerous taunt
No one told you you'd also most likely be the only one within earshot?
It's just thought after thought after thought after thought
And it's nonstop like the whistle of an ignored teapot that's gotten too hot
I ask myself, "is there such a thing as an inner dialogue clot?"
Rhetorical of course, knowing full well that there's not
It'd be pretty helpful though would it not?
A majority of this agony doesn't even seem to originate from an internal spot
But it's held against me that they recklessly destroy all I've fought for as well as rewriting the plot
Turning me into my own distraught subplot
Filming redesignated to the back lot of Salem's Lot
Making sure to make it known I'll only have this one shot
I swear y'all think I was told to bring what I'm gonna need and this is what I brought
So I fillet both wrists and expose the rot
Hoping to relay visually what verbally I cannot
Live stream it for a live audience or not
Copious shallow minds will still produce the same shallow thought
"You either want to be here or not"
Not knowing it has so little to do with want
"You ought to change the way you think"
Oh right, you're right, I must have forgot
OOOOOR
or
Is it that I've been convinced I can not?
Yeah...yeah, that's the caveat
I'd give everything to hit the reset like a robot
But the treason contains some carefully wrought deception that's sent in like S.W.A.T.
Keep that standard victim blaming line you walk taut
It's easier to walk that, is it not?
That's what I thought
Everyone knows the Rorschach test is just an inkblot
I watch in disbelief as my well-being resorts back to just another afterthought
The outlier is no one witnesses the slipping of the knot
There'll be no extension of a helping hand intervention to salvage this broken man by trying to help him reconnect a dot
Because I've lost connection with every dot
A reality checked on the spot
They continue debating amongst each other if it'd be easier to boycott
I bought in, hook, line and sinker,
I should have seen the bait and switch comin' do to all the times prior
THIS IS NOT WHAT WAS SOUGHT!
But here I am,
I guess it's my turn to like it or not

©2024

You know how I know
That's a bullshiit apology?
Because you're not sorry
You're just sorry
Sorry,
Not sorry
But the difference is
Whenever I am
Mine aren't empty

©2025

Thoughts come again and again they never end
Self sabotage cause I'm a broken mess
**** a relationship up faster than it began
Don't wanna get hurt again so I'll keep this charade up til I'm whole again
Sorry to the ones who tried their best to get me to love again
It's me and my head we're fighting again
Got knocked down a time or two but I'm not giving into
The voices that are screaming
Ur ugly
Not worthy
Of anything or anyone
Sorry to the ones who love me I hope u will forgive me
Maybe one day u could understand why I am the way I am
Push people away to save myself from the hurt and so they won't see
I'm dying inide fighting the voices the demons who won't stop screaming at me
Ur ugly
Not worthy
Of anything or anyone
It's a hard battle but I know it's not gonna be this way forever
Sorry for my sinful ways don't mean to hurt u just need an escape
Lying to myself thinking people care
Whispers behind my back spreading like a wildfire
She's ugly
Not worthy
Of anything or anyone
Hold ur head up u got this that's what they all say
If u only knew the truth and u were in my shoes
U would see how far I've come
Sorry I'm not the girl u used to know the old me is gone
Scars from all the hurt I've been through
Made me who I am today

Sorry for the pain
The selfish kiss that I gave

If I were you
I would have walked away.

But you’re sending gifts from the skies
Your love is now one with the stars