Once I was a caterpillar,
Curious but often naive,
Observing from the ground,
Waiting for my time to leave.

Then I was a luna moth,
Silhouette whispering to the moon,
Drawn to the heat and fleeting warmth,
Of men who did what they wanted to do.

When I was a black widow,
A man eater they'd say,
I lived recklessly in my villian era,
Until my empathy got in the way.

I think I'll try again as a hermit,
Not very brave but tired of bleeding,
I traverse through this sand,
Longing for a shell that won't demand meaning.

that feeling.
you know the one.
all emotion is drained of your body and all worth is ****** away.
When you're so numb you can't be real, yet you feel every little thing that grazes your skin.
you feel tired, yet so overwhelmed and awake
and it hurts.
you cant escape
and it hurts.
that feeling of overwhelming upsetting forgetting and regretting.
your mind isnt your own, yet your body is undeniably so.
you cant even decode your own thoughts, for the mess they spew out is only to be just that, a mess.
your words come out as delirium, your heart racing and genuinely not functioning
everything
everywhere all at once.
like you have no mouth, yet must scream
have no control
incessantly and unequivocally continuous
that visceral, inexplicable feeling remaining, restraining
not just disorder, complete discord, chaos, absolute anarchy
inside the mind
and again this body remained still.

you couldn't possibly imagine could you?
of course not.

Let me slip into my
Queen.  

Appetite,
Slumber,
Sloughs off of her
as easily as water.

She passes through, to
The other side of Fear
In her penetrability
She has no Peer

Shapeless threats of the night
Merely dampenings of light

Let me slip on my frigid
Queen.

Mortal fears free of her lease
Reign wild, at the very least

But before my Queen
They quiver, shrivel,
Into a sheen
Of ice, from sniffling drivel.

Her countenance a light deadpan,
Her governance, her birthright, tends
A sooty silence,
A dumb penance,
Mum.

Legs feel weaker
Eyes want to stay shut
It's like my body doesn't want to move anymore
Stop seeing anything but darkness
All my hurt and pain visibly coming out of me
One puke and tear drop at a time
My heart beats faster and faster as if wanting to complete all the beats it has remaining in this instant
I imagine this is what a robot experiencing a malfunction feels like
But then again, a robot can't feel anything
What I would give to be able to not feel anything right now
Or just be able to swtich off with the hit of a button

I can feel suicide in me
In the heaviness of my limbs
The numbness of my heart
The slowness of my movements
The emptiness encompassing me
Of course I won’t
But I find it disappointing

why am i so cold
i'm making my brain
freeze