After a long day of life
I get home put away my bag
Strip my clothes off and smile one last time
Go to the shower for some privacy
Because my room doesn’t allow that
And before i open the shower
I close my eyes and shut down for a sec
And its quiet and peaceful and dark
And I’m tempted to stay there forever
Then i remember my mama depends on me and open my eyes
As i open the shower and water pours from above
My eyes shower the bathroom with water of its own
And for a minute i forget what i was in there for
For a minute i silently pour my heart out
In the shower as i slowly slip to the floor
And i sob for the love i might never explore
I cry out for the death that i have been wishing for
I cry for the words that i was told that day
I sob for the insults that come my way
I remember how as i child i did everything to chase death away
And now i can’t help but call it to me
But not even death wants to deal with me in anyway
And in the shower I’m literally naked
Both on the outside and inside
In the shower i wash my dirt away
In the shower i let my vulnerability show
In the shower I’m never okay
Because i never knew how it feels to act my age
And as i scrub myself and rinse off
I put on the mask i have always known
Dry myself off while practicing my daily mantra
I’m “okay” i'm “fine” words I’ll say
As soon as i leave the shower and my ***** secrets behind
In the shower lies my confidant
In the shower is where I bare my naked soul
In the shower is where i get ideas of what to write next
In the shower is where i sometimes talk to God
In the shower is where my secrets lie
In the shower is where I’ll probably die

Showers make you
vulnerable.
You are naked,
not only your body
but your soul too

The thoughts running
through your head
as the water runs
through your skin

Not knowing if it is
actually water
or maybe tears.