When I’m sad all I think about is you
Sometimes I wish you were dead or I just wasn’t born to you
Because you told me you loved me so many times
And it wasn’t true
I trusted you to help me, I needed you to save me more than anyone in the world
But you abandoned me for him
You choose him over me
And that **** still messes with me
I can’t stop thinking about him touching me
And how even when you heard my story
You still wanted to be with him
It didn’t even phase you
When I was a cutter
And I begged you day and night to make me a doctors appointment
But you were too embarrassed to say anything
I screamed at you saying I’d end up killing myself if you didn’t do anything
Until I decided to overdose and you called your husband first to tell him I did this all because of a boy
A boy? You honestly thought I’d **** myself over a ******* boy? I tried to **** myself because your husband who knew me since I was seven, who was supposed to protect me
Was always touching my ***** and asking me to undress in front of him
And many more things you know happened but refused to admit
You knew before I told you but you didn’t care
And you stuck me in a psych ward for 9 days and didn’t even visit me once
You let your husband who molested me since I was 10 tell me that there’d be people who would try to cut me and hurt me
How it’d be the worst day of my life like I wasn’t scared enough
You didn’t let me talk to the one person who understood me because you were insecure that I loved her more than you
You were right I’ve always loved her more than you
Always
I don’t care that you don’t love me
Sure it’d be nice but I have enough
Even though that when I’m not on my meds or I’m sad I think of you
I don’t love you
I don’t want you
I shouldn’t want anything to do with you
I want a mom
I want my biological mom
But not you
The person you were supposed to be
The one who loved me
Not the one who lied to me
Not the one who didn’t believe me
The one I could laugh with
The one who said she’d do anything to protect me
But I guess those were all lies too, huh?

Every blue moon
memories of you

You'd dismantled
my soul and expect me
to let go so I have
and yet I'm still damaged
beyond repair

I hope you can forgive me
for never being able to
dig a grave deep enough
to forget your soul-distorting
touches and lies

My heart will remain naive
and refuse to see
this inner reality of a world
you'd help me create,
decorated by self inflicted wounds,
where I'll always feel misplaced

Men are dogs;
You can hardly call yourself a brother
With no respect for a father's daughter: me.

A man of God are you?
Plead to him for forgiveness, for your wandering eyes
And unfaithful hands.

It is men like you who lust for me,
As if I'm to fulfill a fantasy
Or be your one time secret

I will never be anyone's one time secret.

If your sons had been born daughters
Wouldn't you want them to do the same?

If only you could see
/
I will never truly be free
/
After all of the damage
/
You've done to me

Mother gave
me a blade

Mine was pink,
hers was purple

It was a useless sharp thing
that’s always in my drawer

One night,
I reached for the blade,
and it felt like my
mother’s embrace  

Every time I used it,
I was being released
from all my pains

Thank you, mother

Alone. I am alone. They say they understand
They say that we’ve all been through it. Have we?
They couldn’t possibly understand.
Guy after guy, used and abused me.
You’d think everyone would see right through me
But, they can’t.

I built up these walls,
I protected myself, I found something safe.
How safe was too safe, did I make my walls too tall?
I just wanted a place to be safe and make
A space where I was stable so I could take
A look at my life and say

How did I get here.

One, two, three, four,
Stop. Start again.
One, two, three, four,
No. That’s simply impossible.
One. Two. Three. Four.
Four?
One in four women go through this.
At least that’s what they say.
Four men did this to me.
Four men don’t matter.
It only takes one to become another statistic.