#sexualabuse poems on Hello Poetry

RatQueen Apr 2019

family friends since we were small
tracing grout in linoleum floors
I watched your dad pull those tapes out
he drew his weapon you drew yores

I can't be mad I say to this day
generations cursed
my first boyfriend shook his head
"I thought I was your first?"

there was a lump in my throat
and I thought back to that game
little frog ran over by the cars
you taught me how to skip through lanes

first friend that I ever had
I still think that you knew better
simply "child's innocence"
crayon written apology letter

floral pattern sheets
I was a flower at full bloom
until you flung me on that bed
I wilted in that room

you told me sometimes that it hurts
but it'll be super quick
that I cannot say anything
people will think I'm sick

It all goes black soon after that
red stain, metal taste, a puncture
Did the right thing after the fact
though frozen like a sculpture

you went on and on again
and never really paid
those girls carried it with them
through 1st and 2nd grade

and now I am a grown up
with something in me hollow
a little froggy in my throat that I still cant seem to swallow

I told myself I'd get better
through hell or through high water
but then felt you pluck more petals
when I heard you had a daughter

TW: molestation, ****** assault of a minor, ****

#sexualabuse #abuse #survivor #**** #molestation #healing #triggerwarning #trauma #ptsd

Valarola Nikola Apr 2019

Basement Carpet

I try and try to tell my brain,
We're no longer in that place that caused us pain,
But no matter how many times I do,
I still end up back there with you,
You're the demon that rips me to shreds,
Makes me wish for a painless death,
Because I've been hurting for years,
Drowning, suffocating in these tears,
For you are the tormentor,
Holy than thou keymaster,
Never letting me go,
In my mind, no,

You have a hold on me,
That no one can see,
And I hate it so much,
Please just give it up,
Let your grasp go,
It's more painful than you know,

Your nails they dig in, ripping up carpet in your pleasure,
While I sit here confused about what going on, so sinister,
This plot that you executed, it must've taken time,
Planned out and carried out, not straying out of the lines,
If Satan had a body, I'd believe it was yours,
You're my hell on this ******* earth,
And I hate you so ******* much,
I hope you know at least that much,
You're a disgusting waste of space,
With an angels deceiving face,
And I will always be in that basement,
Wondering how to please escape it,

You have a hold on me,
That no one can see,
And I hate it so much,
Please just give it up,
Let your grasp go,
It's more painful than you know.

#ptsd #sexualabuse

m Apr 2019

i swallow copper paint

flown over myself, the shedding feathers from black birds that follow me;
my own fingers, pluck the ends from out of my skin,
as the sky shifts,
as the bristling of dead trees offer no shelter,
no warmth from their bony arms.

it's easy to follow silence
i keep her nestled in the hollow of my throat & while it swims into my lungs
all i can do is float
on the squeaking mattress,
against his cold, huge hands
holding me there,
cornered around vibrational gasps.

my body is corroding
my limbs are severed
the insides are flowing out of me
like rushing water.

like, the tub,
filling with pink.
Its shaking stomach rocking me against rusting porcelain.

They sleep among the dead.
I sleep in their duggen-up graves.

here i am.

#loneliness #sexualabuse #trauma #healing #depression

Valarola Nikola Apr 2019

***** Like Me

When I'm feeling ***** because of what you did,
When I feel grungy cause of the things you said,
Because you were the greatest actress of them all,
And here I am taking your well deserved fall,
Sitting in my misery and pain and disgust,
While you sit pretty on your throne made of rust,
Because you're rotting from the inside,
And soon there will be no where left to hide,
From who you are, who you really are,
And I'll be over here, not giving one care,

Come feel ***** like me,
And then maybe you'll see,
Why I do what I do to not be me,
Yeah maybe then my Momma will see,
Why I'd rather get on my knees,
For some ***** *** ****,
Than think about for a moment or two,
What you made me do to you,

I'm crawling through this life covered in the past,
Can't seem to shake it, no matter how much time does pass,
But that's okay, because I know you're dying inside,
While you live you're perfect little life,
Hiding secrets so deep, it must be burning you alive,
I tried to **** myself so many times,
Did you ever wonder if it was because of you?
Was there ever a shred of guilt inside of you?
One day I hope your house of glass shatters,
And you get cut to pieces and left in tatters,

Come feel ***** like me,
And then maybe you'll see,
Why I do what I do to not be me,
Yeah maybe then my Momma will see,
Why I'd rather get on my knees,
For some ***** *** ****,
Than think about for a moment or two,
What you made me do to you.

#sexualabuse #ptsd #depression #fuckitwhynot

Valarola Nikola Mar 2019

Does Your Husband Write You Such Pretty Poems?

If I were to die tomorrow,
You wouldn't pause with sorrow,
Because you'd know your secrets died,
In my brain, and there they'll lie,
Buried underneath my skin,
Burned in my fingertips,
And they scorch with their fire,
Calling out to scream "LIAR,"
You were not a big sister, but a massive fraud,
One who pulled the wool over many's eyes like a shawl,
And now I'm falling deeper into my insanity,
Questioning what was once my reality,
Because surely an angel with spun gold hair,
Couldn't have done what you did with no care?
For how this would effect me for the rest of my life,
And I can tell you with certainty it's caused untold strife,
Now I can't even hear a single word that reminds me,
And conjures an image of you in my brain to see,

Because you are a demon in sheep's clothing,
Waiting to prey on innocent children with self-loathing,
I was just a young child on the outside of it all,
But you made me feel like it was okay to fall,
And so I free dived into the abyss,
And now I'm more ****** up than I can admit,

It's all because you told me don't tell your parents,
And I went along with it, I swallowed all the ****,
You fed me day after day, you manipulative *****,
I hope one day it all catches up to your conscious,
Because right now all I see is me hating me,
And you sitting oh so comfortable and pretty,
Up on your mountain that's so high,
Looking down on all us who would've died,
To do what you said, follow you with blind eyes,
Because you sugar coated all your lies,
And I followed a possessed person over the edge,
And now I'm standing, I've been standing on a ledge,
Deciding do I jump off and see where I land,
Or step back on to safer and more stable ground?
Because now I'm stuck with the feeling of chopping,
Off my own hand to get off the feel of your moaning,
So where do I go from here?
How do I move out of reverse gear?

Because you are a demon in sheep's clothing,
Waiting to prey on innocent children with self-loathing,
I was just a young child on the outside of it all,
But you made me feel like it was okay to fall,
And so I free dived into the abyss,
And now I'm more ****** up than I can admit.

#childhoodsexualabuse #sexualabuse

Luna Jay Jan 2019

Undeserving-

He did not deserve me-
Though he ended up with me, out of pure loneliness
On one end,
And horiness on the other-
He didn’t deserve me.
I am a strong and free woman,
Head held high,
Walking proudly through the crowd
Of judgement.
He wanted to cage me,
To tame me.
Maim me when I misspoke
With the ****** misconduct
Of his ****.
Left his mess for me to mop
And drug his palm against my face
When I didn’t do it quick enough.
I’m into some sick and twisted stuff,
But that doesn’t mean I have to dedicate my life
To a sick and twisted person.
He saw an opportunity and abused it,
Completely.
Ruined a Led Zeppelin album
Because he needed quick pleasure.
A sin.
To me, it was torture
Beyond any measure.
There is no safeword to stop him
From using me that the repeated
Shouting of the word “no”
Shouldn’t override.
Sobs and dry heaving
And unlimited tears that darted down my cheeks
Every time he forced himself
Deeper inside of me
Couldn’t trump a measly “safeword”.
Sneering down at me,
Forcing my legs open
As he stole the one thing
I’d always asked him not to take away-
My trust in men as an entire gender.
And of course,
Something as simple as getting off quick
Could never seem that complicated,
That complex,
In his miniscule male mind.
He came and went-
Dipped to college,
Got with new girls after
Shaving his beard off once he left,
Revealing that he was still a boy
All along.
Under the dad *** of the year
And sneer that was covered
In ****** hair,
Starred a scared boy
Right back at me.
He drinks to numb his pain
While I’m back at home with
A broken liver.
And it’s more of a slap in the face
Than finding out earlier
That he was cheating on me
The entire time
Anyway.
Stings.
More than the quick slaps
Across the face
I’d receive for
Disrespecting him.
He texts me-
On the day my crush,
My other half that I’ve yet to meet
Sends me an update on his life.
Cuffed in Mississippi
For a plant.
Mississippi-
The same place my sister went
After getting strung out.
The place I was at
When my little survivor pup
Was hit by a pickup.
There’s nothing good
In the big Miss.
Only terrible roads and greasy food.
On the other end, the runaway ******
Was telling me he was trying to
“Better himself”.
Asked if we were okay,
And then proceeded to make the conversation
About himself,
As he’d proudly done so many times before.
How stealth-
Can’t find a better man, she lies.
Hands tied,
Just like i’d asked you to,
But more than that.
In my mind, as well.
You’ll rot in hell
For what you did to me.
No, I didn’t go after him.
No, I didn’t tell anyone at first.
No, I never told his college.
What the **** would you even go to college
In Ohio for?
Cornologist?
No, I didn’t pursue him further after…
It.
Karma is my friend.
And I have all the time in the world,
Curing myself,
Not drinking myself to death
And sleeping with every man
Big enough to swing his **** around.
I’m bettering myself, too.
Even if I’m not allowing him to see.

#**** #torture #sexualabuse #ohio

k Jan 2019

Words of a hurt heart

his words, they kept me silent
but the truth they hold is violent
i should have learnt
after enduring so much hurt
time and time again
a pure little girl back then
nothings changed except i’m not so pure
a problem not even a genius could cure
for the pain i feel is deep
like the secret i keep
hidden behind this smile

It is emotional and can really resonate with people who went through a similar ordeal x BE STRONG

#sexualabuse #scared #silent #****

mal monson Dec 2018

it wasn't my fault, was it?

they let their sticky humid hands
hold my glitching hologram body
against the scratchy playhouse
walls and drag their clammy
claws where no child should
think to rub all the while
whispering into my vacant ears
how they would beat me and
bite me and cut me and kick me
if anyone were to ever find out
our little game as tapeworm
tears sludged from my sickly
sweet rotting eyesockets and
down my shiny shaking dust
stained cheeks silently over my
cold and closing throat and
when my dad finally ripped the
splintering wooden door across
the sandy shifting floor i was so
pale pink blue i could have been
six hours dead save for my
fracturing porcelain and
plexiglass heart destructive and
bashing and shattering itself
through my frail and brittle
crumbling ribcage whispering to
me how badly my dad would
scream at me for the way we
were playing

#cocsa #csa #trauma #traumavictim #survivor #emo #goth #sexualabuse #tw