Sleep is my pain
I close my eyes
And the nightmares
Start of the memories i didn't choose to go through
The memories of being hurt
Being tortured
By the man I called daddy
So sleep is pain
That's when it all comes back
To bite me in the neck

It started of as a joke
Like a game gone wrong
But when i heard her cry
I knew there was somthing
Terribly wrong

The lust you feel
is nothing more than
the need for physical validation
that you are still desirable
to replace the emotional
rejection of being
unlovable.

I want to trace
 your edges
 feel your concaves
where skin hugs the 
 boarders of your physicality 
Collapsing into this warm embrace 
 I Am here, and nothing else matters 
This moment cannot be refabricated
So I cherish
 as this texture 
 engulfes my very being 
Sliding through me, 
 wave after wave 
 Soft tremors radiating my core
 quivering as my valleys
 press tightly against your crest
Penetrating deep beneath the surface 
 my sea has no bottom. 
Building creative tension 
 Gripping the remaining foundation 
 Ceaseless crescendo
All boundaries crumble;
  Where do you end, 
  Where do I begin?

Let us not talk
about family

My father
is the word absence

And my mother
is the word fear

Sometimes,
When I look at him,
I remember that grin.
The one from all my nightmares.
Some days,
When I feel any touch,
I remember your entitled hands,
Reaching for what isn't yours.
Some nights,
My breath gets quiet,
It reminds me of you,
Too close I could hear your breathing,
Too calm to care if I struggled.
Some days,
The birds are chirping loud,
I remember the woods behind your house
I remember the walks,
I remember the hands on my tiny waist
The whistling of the wind as I pulled away,
And your insistent tongue telling me I had no choice.

Daddy why did u hurt me
Daddy why did u put your hands all  over me
Daddy please tell me
Laiba is breaking apart
And that isnt fair
No freinds no nothing
She can't hear the phase "who will be the one to loose your virginity"
All I can remeber is my dad was the first
Not my childhood sweetheart ..

I did nothing wrong.
Why do I have the punishment?
Separated, outcast, cast aside.
Too inconvenient for acknowledgment.

Parties continue, pictures are taken.
I have been erased.
Wounded and broken, but instead of comfort:
"Why are you bleeding all over the place?"

You’ve brought me into this world,
and you’re the reason I want to leave it

You were supposed to mend
my wounds when I got hurt
not be the reason behind them

You were supposed to protect
me from any danger,
but you were the danger itself

Your piercing eyes and
cruel hands still haunt me,
and I cannot find any peace

I needed you to tell me
I’m safe when I was scared,
but nothing is more
scarier than you, mother

please, please take me home
swigging ***** from the bottle
on abandoned streets

grabbing me by the wrist
and flaunting my deepest
darkest secret to strangers
dressed in black

maybe I should have locked
the door, as you placed the first
touch on my frozen body

I don’t move, as you take my
innocence, inch by inch
with grotesque hands

please, please take me home
away from this house you’ve
bought me to with ulterior motives

I wake up a different girl
seeing the world through
a grey veil, all has turned to
dust and ashes and

I just want to go home