We can either cross or stay inside
Our self-imposed borders.

maybe i'm not special.
maybe the world is like me, in that all that they see
when they look at themselves
is folds and lines and marks-
and ugliness,
and broken hearts.
maybe it's the trust thing,
because i can't trust anyone else
when they tell me i'm beautiful
yet i can trust myself
when i say that
i'm lumpy, bumpy, gross-
and detestable,
and possibly
the most beautiful girl in the world.
i don't know,
and i can't see it.
maybe i will one day.
maybe just a little bit.

if i’ve learned anything
after these
long and cold
16 years
of life
it’s that
patience
is key
you can’t force
one to feel
the way
you feel
about them
and i know
you’ll be lost
and confused
it’ll hurt

you’ll wonder why
she doesn’t love
you
as much as
she does
him
“what does he have
that I don’t?”

you’re too afraid
to ask
because perception
is everything
you’ll constantly ask your self
why?
you’ll try hard
to change
just to fit their needs
but you’d be lying to them
and yourself

you’ll change
only to be left
used
utilizado como un felpudo
stepped all over

then you’ll wonder if
it was your fault
your fault for falling in love
your fault for being this way

you’re broken
and you’re tired
and every attempt you make
to change
is seen
as an act of
desperation
but i was never able
to understand
why it’s bad to be
desperate for
change

Translucent memories
Leafs falling from the trees
Green flowers
White rectangles
Blue circles
Fire in the water
Strength has faltered
Vacant in the mind
No track of time

i shaved off all my hair
i thought it was some feminist statement
i thought it was an outer expression of an inner revolution

but now i avoid mirrors and wish to god i could afford a decent wig

i gained 50 pounds
i thought i was saying f*ck diet culture to the man
i thought i was just allowing my body to self-soothe

but i fantasize about the times i used to think i was fat
at least she had hair

i climb into my bed and wish i hadnt thrown out my cigarettes and wish i had hair and wish i was small again and wish i could just sleep for a few more years.