I refuse to believe
That my life will always be
A fight

Fight against emotions
Fight against fears
Fight against tears

I refuse to believe
That my thinking will stay the same
That I'll have to keep playing the old game
Of repetitive patterns
With escape and avoidance becoming my second name

I see it and breath in
I step out and breath out
I step into my own body
Awarely choosing
What I want to believe.

I am capable to soften the edges.
To go from perfectionism towards connection.
To speak and act more from wisdom and love.
I am able to believe that I am truly enough.
Changing the paradigm one breath at a time.
I made self-guidance the new paradigm.

If it was incredibly uncomfortable, there is a big lesson behind it. You are growing.

Snap back to reality,
Snapping out of it
Breath in
Breath out
You're not alone with it
Let's conquer
Let's wake up
Let's become
Present again,
I know we're capable,
I will support you till the very end.

I love you.

Burning
Yearning
In my heart
It's deserving
To be heard.
Body's whispers
Become screams.
Thought streams,
Where are their hot springs?
Body-mind connection
Currently a hurtful interaction,
Heaviness inside.
Whether the mind's full or empty-
Hard to tell,
The spiral repeats,
Energy depletes,

As if under a
Spell,
Leaving the body
A heavy but empty,
A burning but cold,
A lifeless but longing
A hard but soft
Shell.

You're not behind. You're on your own unique path. Trust your journey.

Every stepping stone
With you, with us
Counts for me,
Does build trust

Slowly I believe in more,
Want to take in all of you
With my heart and soul
I feel safe with you, I do,

But out there the non existent dangers,
Created by my mind,
Are threatening enough,
To make many small accomplishments
Difficult and tough.

So I celebrate,
Every stepping stone,
With you by my side,
I believe even more,
I not only believe but I'm actually implementing,
What I learned all those years in pain and desperation.

The insecurity within me worries,
What If I'm just projecting some stories,
Onto you,
Putting my hope and soul in you,
Afraid to fall and shatter at some point...
But STOP
I need to let go of this voice.

Futile is the harming action in our minds,
It brings dissatisfaction, makes us blind,
It makes us lost and our potential fading...

But I believe in light within our hearts.

The symphony of empty spaces
Is filled with heaviness
It's happening
That often my heart races
Isn't it obvious?

My shoulders are shrugged-frozen
I'm feeling vulnerably-naked
My body's saturated by
Insecurity, it's shaking
Constantly
Making me believe
I was not enough
To truly live and love

Yesterday rediscovered
Where these feelings come from
Their roots were uncovered
In my childhood home

In those early years
Reoccurring fears
To lose a loved one..

Now, what happened back then
Is obviously over,
But my body still plays pretend,
As if those times would never end...

It seems as though I was stuck in those feelings forever,
Trying to fit in the modern world feels like a futile marathon,
Never quite reaching any destination,
My path can only lead me to obliteration...

The only question left is - can I handle this?
If I do have enough determination..
Cause to escape the abyss,
I will have to learn to fly,
This question is not one of a lifetime,
The action happens in the present moment by decision...
I shall embrace every feelings-collision.

We are worthy. We are capable. We are loved.

Especially when we're sick and tired or when we feel like laying in bed all day. Or when we actually do nothing the whole day. I want to remind us that this doesn't mean we're not productive, not capable or not worthy.

We're still as worthy as before, we're still as loved as before. It's just that our bodies and minds need to rest.
We actually need to rest regularly, but sometimes we forget that.

Now that I am sick I realized that and it's a relief to be there for myself although I feel so unproductive. I am loved. And you are, too. No matter what you're doing or not doing.