I longed for
peace and fun
    some sense of belong-ing
              never wrong doing

I needed you
I wanted you
I ran for you
every day
it's all I knew
I didn't know
you
    I wanted to
I
     wanted
                    to.

you ran away from
me
ran away from peace
you kept running
and I kept falling behind
losing my mind
as you left
losing your breath
                                       so fast
gone with the wind
gone with the tide
every tide
another lie
another poem
another one gone
another frown
into my own arms
twirling and hating
shaming and blaming
always gone
never found.

the tide would win
bruises were found
hide my frowns
never a crown
always a clown
with you
longing for you
what could I do
what could I be
you were lost
inside the sea
lost without me
a sense of being

who are you?
why are you?
will I ever find you?
did I ever have you?
why do you torture me?
why do you paint me so dark
and blue
leaving out all the other hues
why can't you see me as I am
as my true
my true self
....there you go again
run run running
away
at the thought of another quake
inside my brain
another flake
falling into grains
falling into it's own pieces
melted inside my bowl
my bowl spills empty
there you go
you always know

always know
how to empty my bowl

I'll keep chasing
I'll keep racing
sometimes I break
break into two
I love me
or do I love you
can't it be both?
love for all?
forgiveness and all that?
I guess you'll never know that
maybe I won't either ...

I keep running
running away
from me
running away from you
I tire now
of all this running
when ?
tell me sweet little voices
when?
when will i truly get to know you
stop running
start loving
please
start
    pouring
             my bowl is empty
start the rain
stop the shame
let me dance in the rain
                                       with   you

Clung to this sentiment like a leech in the night.
Thought I had a tegument, a mystical flight.
Turns out I was limpin', a mismatch of rhymes.
Staring in a cracked mirror, ecstatic precious time.
Blindsided by this impact, a lyrical bomb.
Shattered my perception, exposed where I'm all wrong.
Life's a dehydrated trip, specifics all astray.
Regrets on repeat, self respect in the trash.
Needed a lyrical slap, to see the abyss I couldn't admit.
Gotta take a breather, rewrite this whole skit.
Shallow anxieties clouding my vision, blurring the end.
Clearing out the mud, let these lines transcend.
Let's meet what debris is shallow,
Hard to see the shadows in Murky Waters

I watched my name
emerge from my pen.
It seemed strange
that there was so much ink
left at the end
of my letter.  

I watched my name
emerge from my pen.
So much ink
left at the end.

My name emerged.
So much ink
left at the end.

My name emerged.
So much ink.

I think you were sent to me by an angel
To teach me a lesson about my value
You illuminated paths I couldn't see within
Who knew you'd lead me to where I've never been

When you first disappeared,
Fear gripped me tight.
I was left broken
Without a star in the night

When you returned, my hope was reignited
but my fears would cause a lot of damage.
Now you're here, but not quite near,
Your silence echoing, forcing me to steer

Giving me the time and space
to really hear everything you once said
to let myself listen and internalize it
how valuable I am

when the clouds pass me by I'm at peace
The stars spark joy,
the moon feels like a mirror
being in nature helps things become more clear
The wind holds my hands for seconds
and I feel like I'm being held
The ground beneath me tells me I'm strong
The rain that pours down on me
feels like hope and security
I want to believe it's who I'm becoming

Like an experiment
What makes you this way?
Ask 'why' one more time but make it twelve
Repeat reaction

You'd move the box if you tripped over it as much as you do yourself, silly goose

Why do you need it?
You're not a vampire
Nor a Ferris wheel

Get it together