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nick armbrister Sep 2021
over 18 adult content

Things That Wake Me Up
I sleep in my bed and get woken up by different things
But not all at once they get me one at a time
There’s the earthquake shaking the bed side to side
The need to take a **** when all I want is sleep
Bowel movements rumble griping me to get up
Time to go to work to do my slave job
A big ******* my urge to **** **** **** her now!
Rise and shine Nick it’s time to hike the hill
Smell of lovely bacon cooking ruins my sleep
No sleep as all keeps me awake so I find her
Zombies breaking down my door rouse me
Aliens abducting me thru the roof ***** me
All this and more wakes me up now now now
All I want is to get some ****** sleep!
You’ll sleep when you’re dead lad…
nick armbrister Sep 2021
The Big Boss
My manager is a locust brain
He doesn’t know what he’s doing

My manager is a locust brain
The job is kaos when he’s in charge here

My manager is a locust brain
Production takes a dip under him

My manager is a locust brain
He got the job by kissing arses

My manager is a locust brain
The supervisor is much more skilled

My manager is a locust brain
I ignore him due to his utter ineptitude

My manager is a locust brain
Even the toilet cleaner hates him!

My manager is a locust brain
Because he can’t read or write

My manager is a locust brain
Due to his lack of experience and *****

My manager is a locust brain
Simply because he’s my manager

My manager is a locust brain
And we’re gonna set him on fire!

My manager is a locust brain
Is my manager no longer cos he’s dead!
nick armbrister Sep 2021
Different Days
A day like no other for several reasons
I found out my wife is a man with a hidden *****

A day like no other for several reasons
For somebody stole the engine from my car

A day like no other for several reasons
Due to me falling into the river and drowning

A day like no other for several reasons
As my credit card was cloned three times

A day like no other for several reasons
I’m a day older and a day stupider by design

A day like no other for several reasons
My neighbour’s dog bit off my right ear

A day like no other for several reasons
I went hiking but got lost and never came back

A day like no other for several reasons
I resigned from my job and went to the rival

A day like no other for several reasons
As this is a different day than yesterday
Robert Ippaso Sep 2021
Where women aren't quite women
They're Menstruating folk,
Their gender simply Human,
The world gone truly woke.

Grasping for atonement,
The art of double speak,
The fancy of the moment
Our words they cutely tweak.

Political correctness,
Not He, nor She, but It,
In search of urban fairness,
With some a glowing hit.

For others who stay silent,
Not knowing what to say,
On tact sorely reliant,
For this to pass they pray.

But how about this thought
To brighten up your day,
Good sense is rarely taught
So why should wokes hold sway?

We the startled masses
Muted for so long,
Know Thoroughbreds from *****,
That's how we get along.
Robert Ippaso Aug 2021
You may well ask where am I,
Am I engaged or fully checked out,
Take a seat, happy to clarify,
Placate your mind, dispel any doubt.

I'm Biding my time and that's not a joke,
Giving the old guy time to implode,
He's senile and tired, befuddled and woke,
Any wires remaining will for sure  overload.

The Border is crumbling, COVID runs wild,
Afghanistan gone, China supreme,
Kamala in hiding, lost and beguiled,
Progressives now surging their wishlist extreme.

Nancy grandstanding, Chuck babbling loud,
Cuomo shot down, who would have known,
Just goes to show it's good to be proud,
If your cover is solid and not wholly blown.

I'm mulling and watching disasters untold,
Inflation unbridled, crime running wild,
The Media's support from lukewarm to cold,
Uncle Joe's moods ever more riled.

Well may you ask why I seldom now speak.
The answer is simple and easy to grasp,
Time is my friend as you see week by week,
And eventually bites like a poisonous Asp.
Carlo C Gomez Aug 2021
~
Strapped to the catapult
I sportively plan my escape
By listening to pictures
In stereo
Of the flight
Of a fitful fugitive
Who sculpted depressions in ice
Throughout the flowerbed
Where there is no true sunlight
Only its influence
And by inhaling this fragility
Onto glass
Lowering the thermostat
Like a guillotine
Until hypothermia
Took his oppressors
This coldness might well
Be everlasting
But then, so is the will to survive

~
Carlo C Gomez Sep 2021
Money may not
grow on trees
But far too many people
are willing to go
out on a limb for it
Carlo C Gomez Jul 2021
~
Holy smoke!

This is a drag.

Nevertheless,
I've come to depend upon it.

~
Carlo C Gomez Jul 2021
~
Wake, no wake

He dreams of obituaries
And toe tagging

Exhuming dearly departed dollars
And biting the nails
Of his cadavers

Forensically speaking
He can talk of the dead

He's one lucky stiff

Pushing up daisies
All over the yard
Of his rose cottage

This life at rainbow's end
Each day mortiferously expires

It's all there in the brochure

~
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