I feel like i'm spiralling down a deep hole and rappelling into the darkness and i am doomed to stay there for eternity  i feel like there is no more hope for me i don't feel motivated to live or even type this poem but i had to do it i have to do this i have to study and i have to ace my exams a lack of motivation is not an option at this point in time please someone help me because i have reached rock bottom and there is no way up only smooth walls of rock and i fall back down sliding down these smooth slippery walls everytime i try i have to use my fingers and grip the rock as as hard as i possibly can until my fingers are ****** and my skin is torn and i will claw my way up from rock bottom i will not meet my demise here this is not where i will end there is still a glimmer of hope and i am going to reach out for this glimmer and never lose sight of it for if i do, the consequences are dire

I'd be stuck at the bottom
Waiting for you to show the way
When it was in my control all along
I'm no longer there
I'm in a higher place
I have a smile on my face
Something you will never see
Something I never want you to see

In the deep Blue distance I see you standing there.
       Looking fabulous as always in your black wife beater.
               I can smell your scent, and feel your taste on my lips even though its been weeks since our last embrace.
                                    Knowing I must ingrave our infrequent encounters deep in my flesh so that I dont forget you.
                                       It was quite cruel to allow me to love you then abandon my existence like smoke in the wind.
                                         My tears ignite the fire and I go up in flames while you lust for social attention at my expense.
                                                 Anyone can see my pain is fatal, but you... you just write it off.
               You mockingly laugh at me and scold me like a whip to a horse.
                                       The whips sting and eventually I become numb while you continue to batter me with your frozen tongue.

For me loving you was easy, it was as natural as  the seasons changing.
                          The roots needed for life are severed and forever dead.
                                    The parameters you allowed me were scarce at best.
                                            Having left me with no means to sustain life I must say goodbye now.

Would you respect my will to leave this mortal coil?
Could you understand your reflection is your foil?
Can you accept the demons as your own?
Accept you are alone,
And atone for your heart of stone?
To find the battle you've fought, hard and strong
Meant nothing in the long run?
You had your fun.
The sun is long gone,
And the one
Thing you had left,
You threw away.
Deal with another day.
There's no way.
You're not okay
Not fine.
Not mine.
So divine.

Nein.

a hole
void of light

dwelling in hellish mental wells
with no fight, flight or rational
weeeeelllllll,
.....
oh well....

man,
acclimated to dirt ceilings/sealings,
and
unless stars are aligned
will be born dead before found alive

roots from life
hang over head,
..
..**** em..
..
just empty promises
from another dead

so,

sit in solitude
a solemn wreck
show helping hands,
real neglect

to uncover this hovel.?
no shovel will do
even
a sympathy symphony
wont let light shine through

Empower.

manifest mountain-tops
from bottom rocks-once-kicked
blossom bottle-rock-ets
from sticks, stones,
and,
thoughts of home

illuminate
cold dismal walls
elucidate
ambitious calls

burst forth reborn
alter the skyline
with mind
refined

you can do anything
you put your mind to
look in the mirror
say im just tryna find you

I SEE YOU NOW, AS NEVER BEFORE
I TASTE CONTEMPT, SWALLOW IT DOWN RAW
WANTING, NEEDING TO SETTLE THE SCORE
TIME WILL TELL, WHO REALLY IS *******
YOU THINK YOU’RE “ALL THAT”
YOUR ACTUALLY PERCEIVED AS A ****
A *******'S DOORMAT
"*****, SWALLOW! IT WON'T MAKE YOU FAT!"
YOU PLACE YOUR BABIES IN DANGER
FOR A BRIEF DALLIANCE WITH A STRANGER
NOT UNIQUE BEHAVIOUR
YOU OFTEN TRADE FLATTERY FOR A ****** FAVOUR
EASILY LED, INTO NEXT MAN'S BED
***** ALIVE, MORALS DEAD
BELIEVING EVERY DRUNK WORD THAT IS SAID
WHILST PRETENDING NOT TO NOTICE RECURRING THOUGHTS IN YOUR MESSED UP HEAD
IF YOU CONTINUE
YOU'LL ALWAYS BE DICTATED TO
JUST ANOTHER RANDOM, EASY *****
LEFT FEELING LONELY, USED AND BLUE
IF YOU COULD TAKE A STEP AWAY
IF YOU ACTUALLY LISTENED TO WHAT YOUR CONSCIENCE HAS TO SAY
YOU'D BE SURPRISED AT THE WAY
YOUR NEON SIGN FLASHES - 'EASY PREY'
WAVE GOODBYE TO YOUR SONS, TWO LIVES TORN
JUST AS YOUR FIRST BORN
THE ONE YOU CLAIM TO MOURN,
TOO LATE NOW, APRON STRINGS FRAYED AND WORN
SAY GOODBYE TO TRUE LOVE
COS LABELS STICK FOR GOOD
YOU WANT TO BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE MISUNDERSTOOD
NO DEAR, YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER '** FROM THE HOOD'
I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU NOW, YOU’RE NOT TO BLAME
YOU HAVE BEEN MANIPULATED, USED FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S GAIN
SOUL BROKEN, SPIRIT BRUISED
CONSTANTLY IN EMOTIONAL PAIN
YOU HAVE NO DIRECTION IN LIFE
EXCEPT CAUSING DRAMA AND STRIFE
THE ONLY TOPIC OF CONVERSATION BETWEEN YOU & YOUR CREW
IS, WHO IS NEXT ON THE LIST, TO **** OVER & *****?
YOU USE WHITE POWDER TO NUMB YOUR PAIN
WAKE THE NEXT DAY, HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME
OPEN A CAN, **** ANOTHER MAN, UPSET WHO YOU CAN

LIVING A LIE, YOUR LIFE IS A SHAM
YOU NEED A NEW PLAN - AS QUICK AS YOU CAN!
ARGUMENTATIVE, INSTIGATING THE NEXT ROW
I'M ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT I EVEN KNOW YOU,
LET ALONE HOW
YOU MAKE MY SKIN CRAWL, I FEEL SICK NOW
YOUR LESSON, IS SIMPLY LONG OVER DUE
YOU HAVE NO SELF RESPECT LEFT AT ALL
IF WHAT I HAVE BEEN TOLD IS FOR REAL
YOU ATTEMPTED TO MAKE ME LOOK SMALL
LOOK YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR, HOW DOES IT FEEL?
TURN YOURSELF AROUND, BEFORE ITS TOO LATE
AND THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU, REPLACE IT WITH HATE
REPETITIVE CYCLE, ON THIN ICE YOU SKATE
YOU'LL BE DISOWNED, ALL ALONE,  - STALEMATE
YOU ARE A ******* STATE, LOSING EVEN MORE WEIGHT - FATAL MISTAKE
ONCE MORE YOUR BABIES, FOR THEIR MUMMY, THEY PATIENTLY WAIT
HOPING THAT TODAY THERE IS FOOD ON THEIR PLATE
AND THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE TO SHARE, WITH DRUNKS OFF THE ESTATE
YOUR BABIES THEY NEED THEIR MUMMY
AND HEALTHY FOOD IN THEIR TUMMY
UNLIKELY COS THEIR DINNER MONEY ON *****, YOU SPENT
AND DRUNKEN ANGER & ANGST ON THEM, YOU WILL VENT
WHAT WILL IT TAKE?
FOR YOU TO SEE & ADMIT THE MISTAKE?
HOW LONG BEFORE YOU BREAK?
HOW LONG, TIL THE NEXT GREAT ESCAPE?
WHEN WILL YOU REALISE, THAT IT IS ALL ROTTEN?
WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND ADMIT, YOU'VE HIT ROCK BOTTOM