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B Oct 2024
I'm struggling with so much
taking down the vacancy sign in my head
moving on from your touch
watching rot grow on broken bread.
Haven't talked to you in months
and I feel like an addict
searching for your acceptance, I'm on the hunt
so exhausted and erratic.
Know you're all wrong for me
sickening, like a bad habit
you are the trap
and I get far too close, silly rabbit.

Something I always come back to
a song with an all too catchy rhyme
playing over and over again
how long until you exit my mind?
I think it's been too long know
I really think it's time.
B Feb 14
In your upstairs room, so much unspoken
your trailing thoughts and hypersexuality
what you can do with a mouth that is open.
Lying there, morbidly broken
nothing is sacred
and I am not coping.
B Mar 2024
Took a day trip to the beach
just to bury my head in the sand
Restless is the water
changing is the land.
We're miles away from each other
you're holding onto my hand.

Stare down at the shoreline
something fuzzy waving a warning in red
but I only ever learned about surrender
I'm bored and off my meds.
Your dark sunglasses are reflective
it's all going to your head
I had a thought, so terribly perceptive
it's just something that I said.

Deep and beckoning ocean
is cold and I am unprepared
choking on my way back to the surface
getting sick on the drink that we shared.
Fruitless journey back to our spot
you could save me, wish you cared,
but you do not.

Talking together about something so strange
you say you like me and the way that I smile -
like I'm kind of insane.
Kiss you like I miss you
like there's an itch in my brain.
I like your bright nirvana eyes
and the way you never seem to change.
B Mar 2024
Texas is as hot as hell
and looks like it sometimes too
but I can't leave, it's paralyzing,
I love it like I'm dazed and confused.
Know I'd miss the flat green land
and always knowing what comes next
yearning for the shade of the soft, dark pine
crackled leather growing on my neck.
Here, you cannot hide from the sun
it chases you like a bird of prey
yet I have learned to live with it
I rise and I kiss it, never stray.
And I can sit and drink
like I am baptized from the inside out
this is the easy way
to taste freedom in the South.

It takes forever just to get out of this state
stretched as wide as the chasm of my mind
so long a journey from ear to ear
what am I supposed to find?
Left alone with no friend but my thoughts
what terrible company they are.
At least the skies are open here
I can find familiarity with my lone star.

Sometimes people leave,
in a chase of meaning, and perhaps some hope
but they will always come back
unforgivingly pulled by the invisible rope.
I'll let my curiosity wander
but not for too long
Rough cowboy reminds me
where I belong.
B Mar 2024
How lovely you look, so lit up.
I always keep my room
glowing like a subtle dream
sunset; orange, lavender, vibrant peach.
Now you're mine in the midnight hour
overcome by it, for a week.
Hoping you'll notice
the lonely pothos leaves
she's survived so much
we have both survived living with me.
I never liked this town
but you are so beloved
brought you here
now we're so above it.
Sipping on french champagne
(forgot to budget)
no worries, I'll be gone
this time next year
in some strange place with the curtain drawn
thinking of us here.
B Feb 2024
Lost childhood
a shattered snow globe on the floor
enchanting glitter and broken glass,
swirling in a mass, I find no cure.
Swept up the shards
that faintly jingled while being discarded
cut myself cleaning the mess
and it scarred
a surface of me that must stay hardened.

So independent
I can live on my own
don't know what is best
but it's better unknown.
I am shaped the way you had me sculpted
I've got a sharpness deep inside
here's the woman that has resulted
from a young girl's need to hide.

Mom
I brought a portrait photo of you
with me to art class
the teacher said
I looked just the same
everyone always told me I was like my dad
I was so happy to be beautiful, that day.

and I know you've said you don't understand poetry
so I'll say it easy
I love you so much
I hope you don't hate me
for what I used to be.
Forgive the broken snow globes
I have already forgiven the memories.
B Feb 2024
Dear lover, forgotten
dear lover, remembered
I see you are still here
I hope you'll be tender.
So much here has changed
so little been moved
the streets have grown crowded
I'm looking for you.

October arrived, I was not ready
I choked and I sobbed
and sputtered out like the engine
of a tired old Chevy
my hand is burned, my ribs are tired,
for my heart has grown so heavy.

So soon, loving you
was not a decision
the way you scorned me
became only a thing of derision.
I'm blissfully laughing; giddy
too hot tears, flooding up my vision.

Someday I'll be a happy man's bride
because where you are discreetly rotten,
I am good, and I am kind.
My lonely walls have been abandoned
but you'll still be playing make believe
stuck between a creek and a canyon.
B Mar 2024
I want to touch the back of your throat
to feel you at your weakest
when I am needing you most.
I want to be in your brain and in your body
like I am the parasite
and you are my host.
Invite me in
the door is shut and
my patience has gone thin.
Everything has it's purpose
down to original sin
you don't have to look so nervous
I only want to be friends.

Be mine, be with me forever
this obsession that grows
you will not successfully sever
until I am done with you,
the feast and the pleasure,
and I've taken all that I need.
So hungry, I'm all alone
I just want to feed
you are the forbidden fruit
sometimes,
loving feels just like greed.
B Nov 2023
I remember stories, told through grey smoke
recited slowly, under shadowed eyes
as the old, dry toad croaked,
in a rickety melody by my side.
Forgotten romancers would carve
hearts into the husk of pine.
One was told,
time after time:
Two lovers, a yellow scarf,
we are both the same, headless and blind.

Lose all sense when we meet up
I pray you'll rescue me
chase away my sorrow and bad luck.
Rain always seems to pour most
once I'm building my shelter
my poor face as pale as a ghost
and my urgency, burns like a summer swelter.
I need you like the river needs its bending
to love you is natural,
a broken bone must go on mending.

So take your weathered hands
lead me to the forest
I cannot see, but I feel its stirring.
The finch and the blackbird, chattering chorus
brain-dead trusting, so alluring.
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