How many more days to pass?
Days that has been infected
by the guilt ridden
heart of mine.

How many more fortnights to pass?
How many more teardrops to fall
and wrong words to strike
until the day i thrive?

How many more disappointed sighs
and displeased faces
until the blurry future
reveals itself?

How much time did i loose
drooping away,
dreading the consequences
of my failed deeds?

Vague lies that i told myself
to ease my conscience
coming back to me
to torment my dreams.

I pity the girl that ones
avidly awaited
a blissful time ahead
without actually earning it.

Muffled screams of my past
echoing from deep down
yearning to break free
from my rotten core.

A life all to myself
and people that care
still the person i turned out to be
is not the person i wanted to be.

All the aimless days
pushed forward
all for that one moment
that will reveal what i want.

But what if that day never comes?

Empty roads and hearts of stone,
show the leaves left unturned.
The blank canvas yearning for colours
left waiting endlessly on the easel.
The tides that once were high in spirit,
now lay flat on the shores of the land.

Face set and hands met off the clock, innocence is often lost as seconds drop.
Our magic stirs but it's strength can fade, so in retrospect why ever expect better.

A middle ground of careless selfishness, when failure is an automated pretense. The real fault in our aims for success, not of ourselves but ignoring those with less.

Time is short, decisions often compromised, death will soon swing by to take your eyes. Without a single disregard for who you are, to choose yourself above all others on par.

It was a shotgun wedding
and the bullet hit 'em both.

Woodland gardens, in their clunky brown depth
Of wet, powdered strings soiled in sap
The raw scent of shapeless red clay lost and wondered -
Where I, remember briefly, catching a glimpse of a bear
Or rather it's fur.

Mingled in the concert, a blur of peculiar bursts of noises
Struck with no identity, whimsical and plain
The songs of festivities -
Cool, romantic winds fueled the ferris wheel
As the man pressed flatly in pools of his own vitality
Broke my heart into orbes of fear and empathy.

If you watch closely
You'll come to know that men won't lie when you're listening
They won't hide.
You'll lie for them to yourself when you catch your eyes closing.

I
miss the young you
You
weren't so complicated

You drive through the woods; you start to feel lost,
your car and your mind have blown their exhaust.
With nothing but time to drown in remorse,
you wonder if you are on the right course.
Look back where you came and up to the sky,
clouded stars can’t shine although they may try.
You look back on the path, covered in mist,
chances you had that you feel you’ve missed.
Accept where you are, forge a path instead,
through small slow steps will you know what’s ahead.
If your mind retreats back towards the start,
listen instead to the beat of your heart.
Plant your feet in the soil, eyes closed and breathe.
Regret is what lets you know that you’re free.

Retrospect.
The dangerous game,
I play for pinks,
With sanity in the stakes.

Royal Flush,
My house is full of jokers.

Brokered a deal with the thoughts who spoke whisper'd cutthroat scenes.

Intraspect:
Everyone is perfect.
Except for me.