Cry myself to sleep
You aren't here anymore
Loneliness sinks
And strikes me right to the core

Our love was forbidden
And the world kept us apart
But I’ll forever keep your secrets
On every page of my heart

Hate that you came home too late
And yes I waited too long
So now I stare at  old text
And replay your voice like a song

in a magic land of purple static
with a hint of blue and green,
ghastly shadow figures stand tall
and dance in the background
of delirium and madness.
quadrilateral patterns hang
netted in dinosaur shaped trees
surrounded by lizard tin foil
windows and roosters crowing
in the moonless midnight.
watching cowboys puke peyote
in the plateaus of the Sierra Madre,
as white dragons couch surf through
the waterfalls of decrepit old women.
fingers bend back and melt into the
ice cube ashtrays and flowers bubble
up out of bedsheets as your waving
hands leaves behind black trails of
indiscretion.
three headed old man sits alone by
the campfire adjacent from moats
of mossy grass glistening in the
silver stars.
distorted magnets hang on refrigerator
doors as pumpkin heads and cancer
patients sit around candle lit tables.
twinkling treble clefts leave gentle,
somber imprints as the tunes float
out of the music box.
blue and gold caps tie intestines
up like a twisted pretzel.
unsavory flavors linger in the mouth
from styrofoam textures.
intensifying citrus awaits the
elephants gates of psychedelic
hallucinations.

                                  I
                              have
                           one thing
                        to say about
                whiskey and shrooms
             .... I miss my friend Kennie
                             every
                             single
                             day....

counting down
10 [sighing thoughts, aching fingernails]
9 [ugh where do i go now]
8 [falling apart...]
7 [my eyes are slowly blinking now]
6 [at the sight of your frail broken body]
5 [the quiet beeping next to you]
4 [my own heart is picking up]
3 [oh god oh god oh god]
2 [the beeping is rising the beeping is rising]
1 [i'm crying now]
**silence

ethan
it was beautiful outside on the day you were laid to rest
the sun was shinning and the birds were chirping
but inside was nothing but rain in my chest

they said "don't hate the addict hate the drug"
"he's in a better place now, he's  free"
and i couldn't help but look down at my shaking hands and hate the addict- me

it's easy to hate a pill but how do i learn to hate a drug when my drug of choice was always you
escaped your reality through a quick high and and a line
but i only escaped mine, when i was by your side

you're gone you're gone you're gone
and i'm going through withdrawals
i need you
i need my high

maybe someday they will say she's finally free too - when i die

And now begins
The guideless era
As my guide has departed Terra,
Gone, but surely not forgotten,
He's left...
His form is pale and rotten.
Slack jaw
Reveals the row of teeth
     A row above
          A row beneath
I perceive slight movement in his chest,
But a touch confirms
He's now at rest
His nostrils drawn
His ankles crossed
His hand is limp
And now the cost of sinful man
...is paid in full for this fond friend,
There's no remaining time to spend
At leisure in his kingly presence,
But he's left behind his essence,
And from him we all have gained
A starting wisdom, we were trained
To laugh and cry and live and pray,
To seek truth,
                  to love,
                            and point the way.

Now to Him who is abundantly able,
Receive this servant at your table
Dress him in your softest gowns,
Kingly colors, shining crowns,
With a smile upon his face,
Doused with your amazing grace!

i didn't mourn your death
i didn't cry, didn't scream
didn't **** the world or any god for taking you away

and then i remember
english class, we all had to memorize Atticus's speech
you know, the one in the courtroom where he defended Tom Robinson

and then i remember
that you sang about leaving us before any of us knew you were gone
ziggy stardust, i miss you

and then i remember
i'm 7, maybe 8 years old
you taught me what imagination meant, what i could do, what alternate universes i could create

and then i remember
you loved so much you died with a secret
as i grew, i learned how to understand you

and then i remember
the day purple rain meant a nation mourning in unity

and then i remember
your song was in shrek and i'm sorry but that association from my childhood never left me

and then i remember
the amount of pain you endured

and then i remember
i was 11, my brother was singing along to hotel california, introduced me to your band and pointed you out to me
"that's glenn frey he's the guitarist"

and then i remember
why this year has been such a dark one
so much of the light has vanished with you

and then i remember

i never gave myself a chance to mourn your death

-z.z

Sadly i wont get to meet you
Or touch your skin,
Or hold you and comfort
As loudly you wail and cry,
I wont get to watch you grow,
Into a beautiful human being i know,
But
I can confirm that you wont have to cry,
That you won't have to see the craziness the world brings
You wont have to have your spirit cracked and shaved,
And you wont walk into the train along with the brokenhearted, downtrodden and crazed,

Would you have been a niece or another nephew? That i may not ever know
But I'll see you soon one day,
And i hope you're a happy little angel, playing on the clouds like snow