As time began to peel back new chapters of life, the people we were faded away and new people emerged. Maybe we bring out the worst in each other, which is worse for the both of us.
Two different paths and two different people try to walk the same road, but we bump each other off the path and we stumble and we fall. We stop along the way and argue about which way to go, and sometimes we talk about separating. No decision is right, so therefore every direction is wrong in its own way.
You want to stop and savor the journey while I want to get where we're going. Even if we both got our way we would still be in this struggle. Maybe it's just who we are.
We started on this journey together, not knowing where this path would lead us. And even through the mountains and rivers, we held each other's hand and somehow made it through. But this feeling has never been stronger. And I truly believe that when we started this path, the future ahead was bright, but now all I see and feel are dark clouds and I don't think there are sunny days to look forward too.
I might be able to trick myself for a short while, and I may believe my own deceitfulness, but I know I could never fool you. And would I want to? I know how you hate wasting time but I'm still figuring it out. The checks and balances are hard to weigh. They are difficult to think about and make this walk very depressing.
I walk in front, with you right behind me. It's a quiet day and cloudy, but just the right temperature. There is wind, but I don't feel it and I can't hear it. But I know it's there by the way the trees move. I wonder if you can feel it.
I kick the rocks as we walk and sometimes I wish the path was big enough so that we could walk next to one another. Sometimes we pass others and smile. The first smile in days. Their smiles look genuine though. But I guess you can never really tell.
This path looks and feels like a million dollar forest painting with beautiful landscaping. The path is not set for us, is one that we must make on our own. Some paths make more sense than others and sometimes it feels more like a maze. I will always fight for my way and dispute why my path makes more sense, but every once and a while you will do the same and I will have to follow your lead. I don't particularly like this and I will often find myself talking back like a child, but I follow regardless because it's better than being alone.
The forest is a big and scary place and when it turns dark I hate to think about what I might do alone... I mean really alone, physically. Emotionally, I am already there.
Sometimes I think that if I were alone, I might not feel alone. I might enjoy the path I make for myself and maybe even stop to pick a flower because I can, and there would be nobody tailing me. Just me.
Nobody to tell me what to look at and what to smell. It would be my decision. It would be because that's what I want. And there would be nobody to try and tell me things about myself that aren't true. Nobody that tries to bring me down for what I think or feel. I could uplift myself and walk faster if I wanted to and I could sit on the riverbank and dip my toes in the water if I wanted to and I could sing if I wanted to and I could ... Because I wanted to. No regret. No shame. Just peacefulness.
It sounds so nice, but would it turn out to be as nice as imagined? Probably not. It never is. Just like this walk with you. It sounded nice. But it isn't.
Life is about the journey, not the destination.
