Nights used to be mom, brother, sister and dad
Now brother and sister have traded places with me

Nights are now mom, dad and me

Dads old school movies screaming in the background while mom scrolls through her social media and I work on an essay.

Dads bellowing laughs always bring me comfort

I've lost myself
I don't quite remember how
All I remember was looking in the mirror and regretting
What was it I regret
I can't remember anymore

All I know is that,
I don't understand

It's late at night; I'm supposed to be dreaming

I want so badly to go into the bliss of unconsciousness

I can't bring myself to

I've let a river of red flow once again while sloppy rain drops created puddles

I've done it again; its all my fault

Things are much worse I presume
I cried a bit, cut a bit, and promised that I swear
It won't happen again

But I slipped again you see
I messed up and the blade went right to my hand
Like a magnet

There was a bit of blood not much I swear
But there were a lot of tears even so

So I guess today I cried a bit, cut a bit,
And broke a promise

He's gone
He's gone
He's gone

Was it my fault?
Was I too ugly and fat
Or too loud and daring

These are the things I wonder as I empty my stomach
So it won't be my fault again

You miss a meal,
Then it turns to two,
A day passes,
And no one notices you.

Craving nutrition,
There goes a week,
Those many hours,
Longing for something to eat.

Using the same excuse,
"I'm not hungry, I just ate,"
The numbers keep dropping,
Was sixty-three, now fifty-eight.

You can't go back,
People are noticing you,
They say you should eat, and you say,
"You have something better to do."

It's harder than you think,
Just leave me alone!
Stop telling me to eat and drink!
If I need you, I can find my phone.