vulnerability is the worst emotion
time after time you try to leave your shell
practicing some type of
self promotion
telling others you really need to
work on what you say
oh how they encourage you without delay
“but you're amazing you shouldn't hide”
“you are not alone”
“you can't just avoid everyone all your life”
my only fear isn’t just everybody else
vulnerability has this way of
taking hold of your tongue
regretting every word you speak
and don’t speak
your worst enemy becomes yourself
makes me want to scream in frustration
I know I can be something amazing
I want to run forward without
looking back ever again
I try to so hard to force these
sentences out of me
to keep some hope about
being accepted as just who I am
some days no matter what I try
I must accept defeat
maybe instead of using
words this time
I'll use something like
a double-edged knife
I'll slit my stomach open and
spill all that i’ve kept inside
would that be enough
would people understand me then
because as of now whenever
I use my head
they never seem to quite get it
people they always shoot
me down without a use of
even a reply
with my whole self laid out
on the ground they surely
should understand all that I am
and plus I read this was
an honorable way to die

They told me to not go silently to that good night,
That I should never give in without giving a fight,
But I've bathed in the beams of the silver moonlight.
And I'm here to tell you that I went with the night.

It's not out weakness, nor desperation nor fright,
And I'm not here to tell you that it's not worth a fight,
But there's much worse monsters that occupy light;
Ones with far more malice, and a far sharper bite.

It's all about heart; not what's wrong or what's right.
You're judged by your merit and by your insight.
We're led by our spirits; we're not led by our sight,
We--all of us--who have joined with the night.

So slip free of your anchors. Let your true self take flight.
Shed away all regrets--you're held down by contrite--
And bask in all that represents your delight.
I come not with demands, you'll choose what is right,
But I'll confess to you now: I went with the night.

when i am asked my age
i call myself 18 without thinking
as if 19 never even happened to me,
because when it came
you had gone
and for a period of two months or so
in the spring of 2014
i did not exist
to become older.

MY
gender has a big *** problem
we think with our *****
because our brains are in our *******
a nicely curved rear
a subtly protruding chest
imagination always adheres
and the hands do the rest
in our teens we’re rabbits
in our 20’s we’re wolves
by 30 we’re lions
and 40, owls
psychologically volatile
emotionally detached
physically competent
spiritually mismatched
understand, we’re arrogant *******
when we’re trying to save face
we are also capable of shame and regret
not every jack holds an ace
the exterior is tough
showing only what ruses the eyes
true that a man can bluff
but even crocodiles cry
the next time a **** tries to be one
fret not, you can still have fun
start by questioning his masculinity
and move on to “you have a tiny….”
yes that’s right,
go ahead spite ME.