There's talk of redemption
in crowded halls,
and as they adjust the dial
there's an addendum.
hard to tell
just who is right
although everyone knows
who is wrong.
no doorway in sight
in this mirror funhouse,
but the poor have TV's now
isn't that nice?

It's upon these cold stones
Which now, I choose to sit, and wait.

Alone at sunrise, fear, hatred and of course, this synthetic 'Art of Doubt'....become me.

The ridged steps- my only companionship
the true essence of cold.

as my fingers numb, and I can barley type this out
Honestly know
I wonder how long and painful
death by ice
really must be.

Beside me; a building filled with everything I could ever ask for want or even need.

Everything.

And yet , Upon these Cold stones
I sit, just a while longer
To remember what I still have. Not mourn what I've lost.

But mainly, to be a man who doesnt deserve anything inside that wonderful, overwhelming sentimental house. Be it people, possessions even the animals-on those cold steps of reality-he deserves where he rests.
They all deserve more than what I thought I could haven given them.
More than this.
I am so sorry Dad.
Im very sorry Mom.

Thank you, for these cold stones.  You will never understand the gratitude, which one day
I must leave behind,
of all the these priceless blessings.

But for now
It's upon these
Oh so cold, disgracelesss stones- you and me are too alike
melted with liquid burned and with fire, me and these cold stones
know true
desperation.

stuck in an abyss,
staring down into nothingness
as if it will shine a light,
when you least expect it
lost myself in a manner
it was hard to recover,
with the missing pieces
still at large
but can't give it up,
not yet
I have a long way to go
before I eventually blow
looking for some sunshine
after this punishing snow,
clear as a crystal
while my husky's fur bristle
getting a cup of coffee to go,
its high time for me to grow
more than I ever know,
I feel it is harder
to pull yourself
out of the funk
when you have been down and out,
there is that element of doubt
hindering your next move,
to get out of the abyss
and find yourself in a place
surrounded by love and hope
sometimes even your heart can't cope
simply because it ain't used to it,
but this time I shall submit
to a higher belief
that everything is gonna be alright
give my future self a chance,
a chance at redemption
to take responsibility
for myself
and those around me,
a chance to start over
fail
and rise again.

I adjure you
to put another arrow
through my heart
And nails through my feet
My arms shouldn’t be free
Maybe it’s the only way
To my redemption
For the crown of thorns
You put on my head
To shame me
Rather made me a king
It made me strong
Now I’m used to it
I love the dejection
I’m ready for the antipathy
I want more of the evil things
You do to me
Maybe I’m like Jesus the Christ,
The tears and blood streaming
down the sides of my face
Represent my victory —
From above,
Where I came from
And ready to return

Ignoring the thoughts of warning,
I listen to praise and ridicule,
I listen to who I seem and
Not who I am or
Who I want to be.

Ignoring the thoughts of warning,
I listen to desire and shame,
I listen to the self-evident lies
That attempt to free me from blame.

Ignoring the thoughts of warning,
Ignoring the ticking of the clock.
I delude that I have time,
And that whenever I want it will stop.
And if I ask it will extend to me its hand,
And that if I only plead,
Time shall make sure that I succeed...
Somehow.

Ignoring the thoughts of warning,
I forget my inevitable destination:
A place and time where my actions can no longer be redeemed,
A place and time
Where everything is exactly how it seemed,
And my mistakes upon mistakes
Will look out to me in shame
Behind the shoulder of my thoughts of warning
Who emphasize
That I am only to blame.

My mourning heart
tries to speak
comprehensible words,
But it cannot overcome
its studders and slurs
For pain and grief
intertwine
as one creation
Bursting forth - tears initiation

I take full account of my past -
A great loss
As I depreratly hang
To my hope -
In the Cross

I sit, fruitlessly,
Searching for words
to reciprocate
My pain
As I slip and stutter
And mumble in vein
This vortex of sorrow
I can hardly contain

I have to lay it all down at the feet of God
TAKE MY LIFE!
I've lost it all LORD -
EVEN MY MOTHER AND WIFE!
Take the reigns LORD -
AND CARRY MY STRIFE!

I cannot carry it any longer -
I've carried it too far
LORD you are my lighthouse -
My northern star!
You have created my heart -
Loves repertoire
Now I surrender to you LORD -
And all that you are!

LORD, please,
Carry this burden,
This heavy heart
Once and for all, LORD
Let misery depart
And never, ever again
Let us be torn apart!

Desolate land,
Grasses once green, trees stood taller,
Empty streets, bereaved seas.

Once full of men ambitious,
Dreamers of better futures,
Seeing beyond horizons.

Desolate land,
Consumed inhabitants,
Cries for freedom,
Her children created the havoc,
Her soldiers bore the ruins.

Desolate land,
Once home to many,
High walls,
Guarded cities.

Now the streets are empty,
The wind hollers a dreary tune,
Life existing, in quiet resonance

What went wrong?

The earth swallowed up her children,
For they did not err to the warnings of mother nature, seeing the but signs looking away,
I hate to be the one who speaks of  such doom.

Alas! A man is found,
Torn and beaten yet surviving,
Surely all wasn't lost in the end.

Desolate land revived again,
What seemed like destruction,
Was man's preservation.