Look at the streets crumble,
They were just fine.

Now look at you,
The cracks in your face tell me
You can't hold it together,
One more time.

Savage world,
Bitter truth,
It'll do no good to whine.

But it'll do no good to pretend
You're fine.

So you found that
Life isn't fair,
It's full of secrets and truth,
A hidden lair,

That I could still never hide from you
Because it was always there.

Love had its affairs,
And you had it all,
The bitter truth reveals a broken man,
Trying to stand tall.

Trying not to bend,
Or break, or fail,
A man doing his best
Not to crumble like the streets,

And continue to lose it all.

Can’t control
What you can’t
See

Outside forces,
Coming after
Me

Inside, chaos
Multiplied by
disorder

It is what it is,
Another breakdown
in order.

Wake up and
Everything’s the
Same

Still wanting
Change

But the only
Change I see,

Are the scenarios
In my dreams.

It is what it is,
Another day,
Another dream.

I
Can’t control
What I can’t
See.

It is what it is,
I guess I’ll wait,
Patiently.

so i am still too young
to know what is
really, actually, truthfully
out there..

I once had a story I couldn’t wait to tell,
a little girl with dreams about a world that went to hell.
The sky looked pretty, the stars within her reach,
her dreams escalated quickly to the ever tallest trees.
No nook, no cranny did she wanted to leave unseen,
no village, no valley that ever escaped from her dreams.
The sky is the limit, she always believed,
till the world came crashing on her little perfect dream.
The lights were blinding, the sky turned dark,
reality exploded like a burning car.
Her dreams went quiet, her eyes became soaked,
the day she realized the world was really a hellhole.
The little girl grew up that day
she was stared upon and laughed away.
The sky looked vicious and the stars didn’t seem
like they ever planned to be in the little girl’s reach.

I have a question for you:
Do you know the brutal agony
That wrenches your heart asunder
When you have your child,
Your flesh and blood,
Torn viciously from you
As you lie helplessly in bed
Ignorant to the tormented crying of your baby?

I have a question for you:
Do you know the burning fury
That scorches and swarms in your soul
When someone you loathe
Can manipulate your every movement
As if you are a foolish juvenile?

Do you know the roaring beast of betrayal
That casts rotten, merciless shadows
Over every bleak thing
You lay your tortured, tear-pricked eyes upon?

Do you know the unrelenting guilt
That destroys every comfort you desperately seek
And drowns you in your own misery
When your entire family die
On your very conscience?

If so, then you are only
A few steps closer to
Understanding the torment
That grinds me up every night
Only to spit me out each morning
For the hell dogs I called my friends
To sniff at in disdain

You are only a few steps closer
To entering the churning,
Burning,
Thrashing
Sea that eats me whole
When the fragile walls around my happiness
Shatters into millions of pieces.

So I have a question for you:
Do you have a single clue
About the real world?

Do i want to live or be functional?
i'm tired of waking up with a pit
In my stomach but the
Dull pain feels better than nothing
So i’ll spend my days in front of
Eyes that don’t feel
Listening to scripted thoughts
And i don’t want my medicine to kick in

Can i lay in knowing and not **** myself?
I’ll sip something to fill my physical emptiness
My tongue will take every drop with hate

I got an app to remind me to take my medicine

The hills are calling with their eyes and
I want to lay and lay with your hands
I wish you understood me the way i long for
I wish you wanted to

I’m not functional.
I feel the chaos in my bloodstream enough to
Keep me alive and shaking
As my fingertips run across my legs
Oh, god left me so long ago
Stranded to deal with everything myself

Will the mountains save me?
Hold me in it’s arms and communicate to me
That i can be ok?
Will the ocean stir and boil when
My feet touch the edge?
Can the trees of metal lift me,
Like a bird let me see the city,
Fill me with a sense of comfortability?

I can’t do what i’m supposed to
And i can’t do what’s good for me
I don’t think there’s anything that could
Make me or enable me to do so.

And ******* for hearing my words and
Blinking, not trying to make a difference.
**** everything that is still.

I live in a north river
And my body whips with the current
And i reach for the rocky land on the side
Cut my hands on the points
So i collapse into the water again
Filling the nose and mouth with salt
And disgust and the water isn’t
Pure and clear blue anymore.
i keep grabbing for more litter
To make myself comfortable with.
It never works.

Looks like somebody's got a case of
Something sinister, with not a trace of
That weekend high, like you just erased it
And filled up on Monday's existential dread

Nah, no way it's all just in your head
From the moment you dragged yourself out of bed
Leaving dreams behind, choosing real world instead
To face up to Monday's lack of appeal

No, I proclaim, this syndrome is real
It's something that some weeks all of us feel
As weekly the world attempts to steal
Our joy and our souls with its Mondays

To wake up of own volition, surrounded in warmth
        refreshed like when the moon comes around to full shine
               a wolf howl, with two small voices warbling after
Inked veins run across spring-kissed skin
         inked as a flower, ever constant in impermanence and design
All walk lines, and unexpected find common intersection
        in chocolate and popcorn and spider-like boys
               in flags shimmering as mirages tossed to the sky                
One unseen but listening, eyes glistening with your tears
Red carpet ending finally goes to the deserved

Lessons, internalized, suddenly shine in the real world