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af Nov 2018
Do i want to live or be functional?
i'm tired of waking up with a pit
In my stomach but the
Dull pain feels better than nothing
So i’ll spend my days in front of
Eyes that don’t feel
Listening to scripted thoughts
And i don’t want my medicine to kick in

Can i lay in knowing and not **** myself?
I’ll sip something to fill my physical emptiness
My tongue will take every drop with hate

I got an app to remind me to take my medicine

The hills are calling with their eyes and
I want to lay and lay with your hands
I wish you understood me the way i long for
I wish you wanted to

I’m not functional.
I feel the chaos in my bloodstream enough to
Keep me alive and shaking
As my fingertips run across my legs
Oh, god left me so long ago
Stranded to deal with everything myself

Will the mountains save me?
Hold me in it’s arms and communicate to me
That i can be ok?
Will the ocean stir and boil when
My feet touch the edge?
Can the trees of metal lift me,
Like a bird let me see the city,
Fill me with a sense of comfortability?

I can’t do what i’m supposed to
And i can’t do what’s good for me
I don’t think there’s anything that could
Make me or enable me to do so.

And ******* for hearing my words and
Blinking, not trying to make a difference.
**** everything that is still.

I live in a north river
And my body whips with the current
And i reach for the rocky land on the side
Cut my hands on the points
So i collapse into the water again
Filling the nose and mouth with salt
And disgust and the water isn’t
Pure and clear blue anymore.
i keep grabbing for more litter
To make myself comfortable with.
It never works.
so ill spend my day tearing myself apart in keys and ill neglect what is supposed to be beneficial to me and ill sit like a ******* sponge, dripping out until I dry and i'm uncomfortable to touch. I would feel better if anyone tried to understand.
sometimes I wish I wasn't so hard to love and to know
Emerson Nosreme Oct 2018
Can you clear this up for me?
I was told autism is a 'spectrum disorder'
It is Autism Spectrum Disorder
Spectrum means a circle of unless colours in different shades
Light or dark
Hot or cold

So why is it rated by functionality?!

I am 'high functioning', I can succeed in life with no support.
If that is the truth
Why do I panic at every sound?
Why can't I process information?
Why am I not as social than I should be?

I know someone who is 'low functioning'
I am told they won't succeed at life
But they draw beautiful pictures
So does that mean they will not succeed?

So tell me
Is the spectrum a lie?
Or is the functionality a myth?

— The End —