I met you around the time Zac and I were to be engaged.
It was an arranged marriage,
But he promised me a lifetime of happiness.
They told me some loving would benefit my health.
That he could make me smile again.
So I stuck with him.
Every night.
You and I would meet behind his back.
He wasn't the only one who made me happy.
There was something about you
That made me forget about him.
Almost as if
I didn't need him anymore.
But they said I was commited to this relationship.

They told me Zac would work his magic 3-4 weeks after our first date.
And he did.
I smiled.
I forgot.
I relaxed.
I let go.
It was nice to be happy again.
Everyone around me saw it.
But then it was time to take it up a notch.
I was told to love him in the mornings and evenings,
Twice a day.
Then three times.
Then four.
Until I forgot what it was like to be single.
They didn't know I snuck out to be with you.

Eventually I was a whole new person.
I didn't worry about matched socks.
I didn't cry over spilled secrets.
I didn't retreat when the going got tough.
I learned to laugh at myself
Listen to myself
Love myself
Be myself.
The quiet world of whites and greys began to
EXPLODE
Into fireworks of vibrant colours.
I picked flowers!
I made music!
I flew kites!
The old me
Faded
From memory.

I was happy.
I am happy.

They said my life would never be the same.
That Zac had seeped into my brain
And taught me to see the beauty in life.
To find the rainbows in the rain.
They congratulated us on our marriage.
The couple of the century.
But, you see, I met you around the time Zac and I were to be engaged.
Maybe it was a coincidence.
Maybe it was the timing.
Maybe it was fate.
But I had broken up with Zac a month after he proposed.
I never met him twice a day.
Or three times.
Or four.
All this time
He wasn't the one
Who had taught me
To be happy.

- p. winter

Prozac
It’s my own drug
Like a personalized brand of *******
Bringing me high as a kite
Not on the effects of a narcotic
But on fake happiness

Prozac
Almost as addictive as ****
Leaving me with an ache behind my eyes
When it fades away it leaves me with nothing
No protection, no refuge from the insanity
Only me
Only me
Only me
Only me
Only me.

Prozac
Oh how I breathe for you
I desire to be carried away from this hollow place
This empty room
This cold-hearted house
Fly me away
Allow me to perch upon your pure white wings
And get taken to a place that doesn’t exist

Millenials.
The world ******* hates us.
We whine for a living
We feed ourselves with Xanax and Prozac
To remind the world that we are broken
Problem? I don't think so

We accuse the world of being awful
We accuse life, a life we have not lived yet
Of being too cruel when we are the ones
Who cut ourselves open for a heart we long to love

We look for the kiss that will heal our self inflicted injuries
Well, dear millenial, "there is no tyrant like a brain"
We will keep cutting ourselves
Keep drinking ourselves to sleep
Keep poisoning our mind with this "Golden Age Thinking"
Until we understand that
We are stuck here.

And life does not need to be good to us
Life owes us nothing.
Poetry and Paintings won't save the world.
Do it yourself

Prozac and Tic Tacs
That's what keeps me sane
One keeps my mouth clean
The other Scrubs my brain
These small sweet little pills I pop
One

                now two

                                         now four

I wonder what would happen if I took a couple more

These 20 milligrams of Prozac
have my brain wrapped in lace:
            warm blues and white sighs.

One white pill, each morning
to dull the blade of life

and my brown eyes rust
hazel in the daylight
the doctors shove me, face-first, into.

The sun is so much harsher
than the moon: it burns
holes in my vision
and I stumble and blink
until they scab over.

I do not howl or whimper,
    scream or cry.
My face is silent
                      and stares,
like the white-powdered moon:

          wide and brimming.

Pill one was bad,
It made me sick.
Didn't work too well.
The zombie i became,
Drove some away.
It made the monsters multiply.
I spent my days in bed,
Too tired to move.
But lighting would strike my lips,
If I dare stop.

The next was heaven,
God lived in that pill.
Still on number one though,
It only added to my war.
See, number two had other uses.
I could take three and feel like flying.
I could crush it into dust,
And smell it's sweet high.
Pill number two got me really ******* high.

The crash from number two,
Pushed me to number three.
Withdrawal made me twitch,
Sent electricity through my veins.
Number three replaced two.
Still on one,
I hoped it would be the change.
It only made me fear for my life.
It killed my love,
Left me to die.

Doctor number two,
Please fix number one's mess.
He ****** me up bad.
But you listen to me.
You don't just write down symptoms,
And give me drugs when you tell me to leave.
Doctor two knows more about me than I do.

Take away number one,
She gave me number four.
I was a homicidal maniac.
My anger took over,
And violence seemed so lovely.
After some time this was all gone.
It did nothing to save me,
Didn't even try.
Doctor, this doesn't do ****.
It's left me drowning again.

Take away three.
Number four and five,
Now that's a combination.
Pill five stole my sleep,
And all desire to eat.
Food looked disgusting,
My heart beat quickened.
I couldn't stand still.
Now on four and five at the same time,
And starving,
I lost fifteen pounds.

Now add six.
Four, five, and six.
All at the same time.
What's happening to my body?
I've become a science project.
I felt all the chemicals in me.
Might as well have been poison,
Because six did nothing.
Like number four,
It didn't even try.

Take away four,
Give me number seven.
Now we have seven, five, and six.
It's too early to tell,
How seven will **** me up.
I don't feel human anymore,
Just chemicals with feet.
Seven, please save me.

little and blue and two different shades of
something i love
it stuck in my throat the way my words always do
and later i read the description
the guide
and fluoextine hydrochloride may increase suicidal thoughts
isn't that what we were trying to get rid of?
why take it
at all?
or why only one
only once
a day