I’m a kid
I cry
Bicker
Yell but don’t I dare tell
Sob and beg you to stop
It’s not me your hurting
you promise with bitter words you won’t
You keep your promise
Yet break our family apart
I’m sorry to call you dad
You not even that
For blood we do not share
I can not even care
Your sweet
Kind
And oh so fake
Like many others
You indulge
And indulge
Alcohol driven
And although I was a kid
Young and naïve
And still I am
Although I hold invisible wrinkles
On this stained skin
One  like the beauty of stained glass
For stained glass I am
Only stained with raw blood and mud
And the green color of the glass from your beer bottles
Im am but a worn jacket
For in your eyes I am still your little girl
Although not a girl
And neither yours
For your hands hold me like horns carry soft petals
Holding up to shine and bath in light
Only for this flower to be drowned
As if you were the rain
Washing my garden away
My home keeps away
Far from my safe space
And although you shouted and yelled
I forgive and not tell
For the house hold the secrets
Even when it came crashing down.
But if you look closely I’m yet a rose healing
The storm has passed
And yet still barely
I bath in the soft sun
Drink in light spring showers
And I no longer drown.

Eight mouths
Seven eyes
Two ears
Nine dimes
Bet on the devil
Sweet and horrible
Wearing a halo of horse skin
Trading daffodils
For a soul
Trading secrets for a dime
Thrown all but into a hole
Secrets climbs
Spilling out
scorching the skin as overflows
A cloth weaved of thorns
Peeved
Pricking and brushing my burns
Soft and buttered with lies
Sweet as chocolate
Smooth
Seemingly flows off your ‘8’ mouths
A moth to a flame
How to lie
Guilt ridden
Fleeing
Faster than a raccoon digging up trash
Caught chewing on its on lies
Walk the halls
Whispering
Eyes seem to never be the same
Color changing
Tears wilted
Rose plucked dry
Leaving only your thorns
Once beautiful
Broken and of so painful
Pain is mine now
To much of your own to handle
Overflowing and overbearing
Guilt ridden
I’ll flee too
Scared of overthinking
Overflowing
Injuring the garden around me

Shout
Scream
Pout and doubt
Beg and kneel and promise me it’ll change
From ages four and up and till I reached the 7th grade my life was a walking minefield
Dodging and  weeving around bullets
Thoughts bullets weren’t for me though
Yet they still grazed me
Scared me with the echo ringing through the battle field that was supposed to be my home
For the first I knew what it felt like to be scared
For the first time I went to sleep doubting why I was here
For the first time I heard you shout
You were supposed to be a gentle man
Not exactly a father but a step down
Guess that’s why they call them step fathers
But to my brothers whom were but your sons
The one you beated,
hit,
yelled at,
And I watched
Hearing him cry in pain
He was 16 yet scared of him as much as I am of you
I realized for the first time you weren’t what I thought
You were a haunting thought
Each threat and shout and door you left dented
Time spent in hotels rather than in the safety of my bed
Every time you called the police
And the threat to take away my only home
Guess it wasn’t my only home
Second
But it was second to best with you
You see
you treated me with gentleness
A kindness I’ll never forget
And today I still like to think of you as that man
The man before you turned into you
But you aren’t that man
You are what you are
A angry man
Drunken and confused
And oh so painfully sweet
I miss when I was three
Of dear god I wish it were me
I wish it were me you hit
It was me you shouted and yelled at
Cause god I’d have a reason to hate you If you did
Because I’m still painfully attached to you, even in the end.

Solar system
Powerful beyond dimensions
No Devine intervention stops it from turning
personally perfect and permanently indifferent
Rotating around the burning star
Endlessly orbiting surrounding with all its attention
Ain’t that something to mention!
Endless studies if not only about your one and only
ain’t that romantic
To be observed so intensely
That’s definitely hot
Something that got me burning brighter and hotter than any giant burning star
The center of your attention and your devotion

Sun beats down in the golden grass
Green and golden
Had grown tall and old
Withholds it memories
As the travelers told
Day and night
Cycles change
Only one thing could ever stay the same
The meaning to look
The destiny to roam
And purpose to seek
Ifs it’s a sight to be seen
Or the person at the end of the road
Maybe the crease of a smile
Who could know
A individual
Different and unique
Travels all but a different path
They intertwined
Give directions to one and another
Then on there on path
To Look
To roam
To seek
A passion hidden beneath
Even the battered roads we travel
Thorns and roses
Wounds and health
Ventures only as far as the mind wills

Had a great idea for a poem
Fell asleep and it turned into a dream
Wish I had written it down
Or at least jotted a note
Posting my dreams
Here
Won't work
It's hard to
Write you
As a font