I’m not afraid of heights, but of the fall.
I’m not afraid of addiction, but of the withdrawals.
I wish I could stop these circling thoughts,
But they keep on spinning.
I’m not afraid of imperfection, but of failure,
Miserably luring me,
To an askew belief.
If I fail once, was I a failure all along?
Can I do anything right?
Just add it to the tally,
Ever growing.
Another note to my somber song.
I’m not afraid to die, but of saying goodbye.
These thoughts, while dark sometimes,
I’d give everything to think of them one last time.
These fears remind me that I’m alive.
I’m not afraid of people, but of being judged.
Anxiety plunging me,
Into fictitious security.
Perhaps, I’m better off on my own,
All alone.
But you lose the chance to form connections,
To enjoy the people that surround you.
Perhaps, I should stop playing this game,
And admit that I am very much afraid.

do you love me Bipolar –
My heart is in a bit of disorder;
ordering my emotions, suspended by
the winds blowing me into my
Mood swings.

Does loving me sometimes feel
too irrational – do I
give you a sense of Phobia; I
cannot Lie; I have

thanatophobia

and the someone I love,
that I fear losing - in All honesty,
is losing myself to Love…

I fear the finality
Of everything.
So nothing
Ever begins.

Fear of them, I fear them,
No not men, just the idea of them,
Actually no, the idea I quite like;
It’s the non-real reality that scares me,
Terrorises me just a little if I stop to think.
No it’s not men, it’s just people.
Maybe it’s all just my social anxiety,
Talking to me again in a slightly different way,
I mean, I know anxiety can change but it doesn’t, not for me:
I know me,
I just don’t know what I’m scared of really.

I can’t believe I dare to write this,
Go away Chloe, just shut yourself up inside again,
Then you won’t have to think about anyone.
Well that’s a lie, I think about people all of the time;
The people I could have, the people I won’t, people I wish existed but I sadly know never will
(I convince myself they will anyway),
And when they’re not real, I’m not afraid -
Because I’m not afraid,
I started this all up as a game.
Did someone ever tell you, you should never read lists of phobias you know you don’t have?
Well I’m telling you, don’t. You might get some.

But do you ever daydream of your perfect soul mate?
Because then I think of guys, like: real guys that actually do exist
And then I’m just like no, no I’ll stay away,
Not today, not tomorrow, I’m not ready.
Then I realise I’ll never be ready.
I’ve noted the slow progression of “could you really be scared of that Chloe? Sounds pretty stupid.”
So I’m like no, no I can’t be,
And then I get these little feelings sometimes,
Which makes me kind of go, “really are you?”
But I’m not because:
That wouldn’t make sense
And
People who know nothing on the internet say that’s sexist without knowing what they mean.
If someone actually had a phobia of the opposite *** or gender it wouldn’t be their fault, because it’s a ****** phobia.

I don’t have phobias though, not one.
Maybe social anxiety, maybe another one, maybe I’m getting one more,
But really I must just be exaggerating.
I know it’s not a phobia - that’s not what I’m claiming,
But when I imagine having a reality where...
Well it just kind of scares me.

They're everywhere
On the street, on the walls, in my house.
Crawling everywhere, on everything
In my room, on my bed, all over me.
Up my arms, through my toes, in my hair
Taking over my mind, over my senses
Covering me, suffocating me, killing me.

Warm sauce
as hot as my blood
splattered all over the floor.

Spit out,
puked up,
you slammed my head on the floor.

Mop up or eat it.
You used my mopped head to clean it.

Ever since then, I couldn't eat spaghetti again.

As the crowd moves around me
I cower
and make myself
as small as I can
My eyes burn
and my chest hurts
"don't hurt me"
I think
as I cry so hard
my throat refuses
to let me form sentences
people ask what's wrong
but I can't answer them
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"
Is all they can make out
and all I can make escape my lips
I'm sorry I'm scared, but I don't know what to do
Please forgive me
and don't hate me
for the fears
I can't control

When thinking of fears or phobias you might think...drowning...the dark...driving...etc. But, some peoples phobias are different; as they are fearing true love or medications. As mine is oblivion, the meaning is I want to carry a legacy as nobody really knows the REAL definition. Some people want money, fame, girls/boys, the world as for me... I just want somebody to know my name, or to hear my stories or as to love me for me. Well, the truth about this is anyone can reach oblivion so why is it my phobia? Well, I know I'm nothing to be dwelled on or cried on. Well, maybe someone will but, will my friends stay with me until the end? WHO KNOWS but I want to be known as someone who helped others to be known; then to be known myself. So I guess I don't want to be known or to be seen but one thing I do want is TRUE LOVE. So, whats your fear? Well, mine is oblivion as for I don't want to be known. Do you want to be above oblivion? Because I don't it's selfish and so known.