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Alfa Mar 2020
what's wrong with me?
is it my sun kissed skin that you don't want to associate your soft pale touch with?
is it my hearty laugh that you're scared will turn heads? booming inside me like my ancestors screamed.
is it my past that haunts you, is the ghost creeping besides you? do you see my dark side, and reject me too?
is it my crooked smile, that makes you think im still a child? i could never have the time or money to fixed my abnormal smile.
is it cause im three times your size? you want someone who cares if they live or die? someone who isn't in survival mode? someone who wants to be 90 years old?
did you hear how disgusting i am? how i pick my nose in the shower? how i dont shave cause of feminist power? how i say **** too many times? or that i move every couple of years? am i too inconsistent cause i change the color of my hair?
is it because i dont love myself, that you cant love me?
am i a project that you dont want to complete?
am i a puzzle that you dont want to piece together?
is that it? is there more?
am i too hot tongued? too foreign? too much?
why am i never enough?

ill compare me to the girl you picked, always wondering, why am I never it?
Alfa Dec 2019
I wish I was the light to your firework,
I wish I was the first snow in your winter,
    I wish I was your paid time off,
      I wish I was the warmth in your sweater.
        I wish I was the A on your paper,
          I wish I was your cats making bread,
            I wish I was your first sip of coffee,
              I wish I could see your face again.
Alfa Aug 2019
I fantasize about touching my thighs to your lips
when you whisper sing in my ear-
softly letting your hand dance on my back
while we lay in your bed listening to
2009 rock.
Alfa Aug 2019
I feel more alive when I'm with you-
speak to me through your sweet tongue-
     of memories past where we thought of making love.
Alfa Aug 2019
you're moving away and i didn't get to say i still wonder what you wanted to tell me when your eyes begged me to stay after a long night where i felt i was home

tell me before you leave how much you love me and i'll-
Alfa Aug 2019
two simple words that made me cry.
Alfa Jul 2019
i cant make the right decisions with the demons whispering in my ear
i cant choose a or b cause id destroy myself
if i mute the world from screaming, i can't hear myself
if i clean my thoughts with clorox i cant sort it out, so
let me know the right answers so i can figure it all out
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