JACK’S LOST:
turn left, then right, go straight, turn left. directions i gave to friends my age, the days I played with no regrets.
and yet, mistakes abreast of time, land a man standing in a cage.
my life the dam holding back success commanding happiness–i’m really low on faith, that the bench I call my bed has a door I can escape.
streetlights come on again, reminding me the harshest winds will be my nightly cape.
           DANGER NO LONGER A WARNING BUT REALITY:
flashes, head a swivel, too much my eyes can’t form a picture. pretty pictures … what I hope for as I sip my liquor.
God, my body pulled by strings, hardly can i repeat simple words to get me down the street:
                   turn left, then right, go straight, turn left.
i laugh as another car swerves around me, my eyes are closed, blind to my surroundings.
it hits my nose– the smell of gasoline, and I ponder pictures of factories, loud noises and fat machines.
                              PRETTY PICTURES! –I yell.
cross the avenue, my attitude is changing, cuz’– i toss my bottle down, cracking it blows, i blow in laughter.
God already knows this is my final chapter–nothing matters.
i open my eyes, what do i see?
cars pull up behind me, one sliding to the tip of my achilles.
woulda made a nice killing, but i guess they prefer not
         but then the car behind runs the line, my brain hits the chalk–
                                     M-M-M-MAYA?:
                                 friends my age, the days I played with no regrets
my regret was to leave you, to waste your time
that I’m aghast at harm without a breath
how I’d give everything to shield you from thoughts of death

                                            how I’d give everything to be there for you
                                     You smiled,
                                but didn’t mean it;
                                      You cried,
                                     I didn’t see it
                            if time is what’s at stake
                       this time, Jack, I will be here

                                           for you

                                         JACK'S FOUND:
Time’s passed, and the curse has been lifted.
Two seconds awake and I can tell that some things are different.
My eyes open like a jack-in-the-box; my hand is twitching.
Then I’m embraced like a mother who has just found her lost children.

Something about this is oddly familiar. Except for the bed of a hospital.

M-M-M-Maya?
It can’t be, she–
Swatted her hands through the web of our plans
She and I are not connected
we are,
strangers again.
                                                          ­               "Tell me you’re okay, Jack."
"I’m okay, or I’ll be okay,"
Same clothes and the same smell,
Too familiar but I can’t tell
                            "I’m sorry, this time I’m sorry and this time I mean it.
                                                             ­                 this time I can help you."
I ****.
Help is not an option, I’ve determined, I’m for certain that it’s just another scam–IT ISN’T WORKING.
         "I know, I know, Jack, please. But give me a moment, a moment
                                                                ­                                  to show you."
Her grip is stronger, or wit is smarter, i don’t know but I can’t move.
"Maya no! Maya I–"
    "Jack, I’ve paid your medical bill. You’re free to go home, wherever
    that is but please, listen before you go. I know I’ve hurt you. I know
             I’ve left you at your lowest, kicked you when you were down,
   attacked your weakest spot. When your brother died of pneumonia,
     people thought it’d finally be the thing to shut you up. Everyone at
the campus thought that. Everyone despised you Jack! And I’m sorry
that people despise what they can’t understand, that people don’t see
   the beauty in difference. Some people just hated the way you spoke,
how every sentence, though they were few and far between, sounded
                like poetry. They hated when they heard your music playing
     through the walls as they walked the hallways, they hated walking
      by and seeing your murals on walls of the student center, and they
            hated most that you never seemed to care what people thought
                                                                ­                                            of you."
"Maya, I didn’t care for the majority because only the opinion of the minority mattered. But my currency of faith has been wasted, entrusting it in the hands of my friends presented falsely in truth. I hate it–I hate the insatiable feeling to trust, so that when the wall you lean on falls through, you know you can only put blame on yourself."

              "Jack, you’re not to blame. It’s me. I should’ve had your back
        instead of crumbling under the opinions of others. I just wanted a
   reaction, satisfactory, the joy of feeling like I’m found attractive. And
                     in doing so, I gave up on the only true friend I had–you."

I look into her face, forgiveness tackling me like a football player, forgiveness for her and I. And I hug her like a mother who’s just found her lost child.

you make my heart flutter
with the lightest touch

run your hands over my body
I can't get enough

*** with connection
intimacy with passion
exploring new bounds of pleasure,
ones I believed were only fiction.

I crave you at all hours,
your lips permanently on mine.

there is so much beauty
in our knowledge of each other's bodies.

you've learnt how to love me perfectly,
playing my body like your own personal symphony.

it is easy to conflate
passion
with chaos;
especially when chaos
is all that love
has ever shown you.

and although fireworks
are exhilarating,
it is fire
that will keep you warm.

where chaos combusts
in a moment of fervor,
passion lies
within the quiet,
enduring burn
of the campfire.

Chapter 1: Evening

Your attire is a thin veil; underneath the silk
is a reach within my arms, to grace a warm touch
passion's burning flame, that can make snowflakes
melt away so fast

Romance, over all parts of your attractiveness
tall, shapely, and sturdy— as my presence is in
the presence of a jungle, for an Amazon queen
Once warmed, from head to toes, fingertips,
to lips galore; quiet conversations that eyes speak
of love so deep and fulfilling

Eager breaths thrown back in my face, also, the love
I keep safe, so carefully, cautiously; secretly locked
away in a heart cuddle you warm, wrap you as a blanket
that provides the body’s heat

Chapter 2: Morning

How would you shepherd a tongue into speaking
the heart’s deepest secrets— at early morn underneath
the rainy skies; I will wake you. As the clouds grow
heavy, and heavier; the slightest sunlight parts them
open, as perfect affections open you wide.

Sprung out perfectly; an inviting posture, there
where you reside— kisses that fall like the rain
Downward falling; your love a juicy fruit, that will
eventually fall- ripen my eyes to feast on your desires
As we’re both lost in the warming memories of this
blanket’s sun

Chapter 3: Afternoon

I think about the rain that fell on your hair,
those tiny bouncing raindrops on your coat-
Coating the memory in such a raging joy;
as the gaze of noon, painted your honest form
A man formulating his words to a first meet;
hoping it may not be short lived

A tongue ensnared by its own words, trying to
savour the novelty of my excitement, all the
pleasures and first feeling— that sensual honey
of our first moment, alone together

The eve is looming over our eyes, for this day
do not chase it, as I’ll catch you by your skin
Gain that glance of a climactic prelude into
another restful resolution of a long night
As the stars are dressed with light; and I sit
with these thoughts on my mind, of how you’ll
choose to dress yourself tonight…

How am I supposed to tell you
That my passion
Is so deep and fierce
A wild creature caught
Pacing against its confines
Desiring only freedom
To live as its nature requires

I want you no matter how messy it gets
And at the core of me
I don’t apologize
I can’t be sorry for this

At the eve of another summer
I found myself in a Paradox
Longing to painfully suffer
due to a beloved lost vox.

The greatest pain for the greatest joy,
quite the paradoxical alloy.
For a voice to be pandora's box,
fate of the shattered heart boy.

The promised call, refused in past,
For no heart could possibly endure,
is steadily approaching, at long last,
to ellicit a heart-rending overture.

An opera of pouring pain.
Even the sad tears cry in pain,
but everything cries in vain,
for her heart was washed by rain,
and will never be mine again.

The ambrosia out of reach.
Its scent alone is enough,
to relive blissfull memories
and dreams of a future... a bluff.

A world where you're next to me,
but i'm forbidden to hug, kiss
or tell you i love you more than life,
is not my world, but Tartarus itself

In my world it had a simple name:
forgivable human confusion,
led by pressures, human, all the same,
inconsequential to our passion,
once ours, now mine.

Our worlds shan't collide
in any future fate.
Your friendship i must decline,
to be reborn and not desintegrate.

The green hills of my heart,
the blue ocean of my eyes,
the starry sky of my mind,
the nature masterpiece of my soul... Is gone.

All that remains is a heavy chest,
containing Schrondinger's heart,
with a decaying undead hope,
to both reunite and forever stay apart.

Dance for me, dear minstrel of the moon,
Sing languidly, sweet flute of the lune.
Tressed in silver trains and sashed with gleaming stars,
Galaxies for your flowing mane, Princess of Mars.

White against red, like blood to linen cloth–
Such is your skin, as soft as a white moth:
A spot of whitewash, a drop of pure milk
That stains the heavy crimson sky with silk.

Descending from your ship of steel,
Your gaze in veils of iron concealed,
You step onto the sand of the Moon –
The first of foreigners in the land of Aün.

A grand procession seeps from the ships:
Brass, woodwinds, and pipes on their lips,
Maidens of braided coiffures and gowns,
Menservants bearing jewelry and crowns.

Lances, spears, percussion, and cheer,
The Universe revels in awe and fear.
Gonfalons, standards, colors, and banners:
Kings, lords, and men of all manners,

Gathered from every corner of this Realm,
With ships of all sizes, and captains at their helms,
To witness and celebrate a sacred union
Of two people, two nations, in a blessed fusion.

Aün and Imandi, two worlds made one,
A union, a tie, dare challenged by none.
The Moon and Mars now weaved with a loom
Of iron and silver–the bride and groom.

O Princess of Mars, allow me one last glance,
As the breeze whips your hair in a dance,
As your dress sways to a sweet lullaby,
As I whisper a final goodbye.

Though I’m unworthy, allow me this word,
I’ll dare to say it, though it sounds absurd:
I love you, o princess–a plain, simple love.
With my heart of hearts, like a tender dove.

Not a love of pain and lust,
Neither one of ashes and dust.
Though it’s rude, admit it I must,
Lest my strength be made to rust.

Go, dear princess. Take your prince’s hand;
Enter with his people, his heart, and his land.
For now is not the time to weep,
But to sing, twirl, dance, and leap.

A cheer erupts from the gathered crowd–
Ten thousand races, hands aloud;
Brass resound a hymn from Mars,
Pipes and drums echoing the stars.

With a forlorn gaze, I sigh and falter.
With quivering breath, I sadly whisper,
“Farewell, dear princess. May your years be prosperous,
And your love be stronger than a fortress.”

With one last look, I turn away,
Boarding my ship, the 'Evergray'.
Though I’ve no plans, I’ll return someday,
A visit to the Prince and Princess I will pay.

and i’m swallowing each impossible love
and letting it fill my stomach lining.
i have touched this ****** with shaky palms.
i have taken my fill,
i have loved, lost, loved, and gave birth to a body i never conceived i would.
i have been in my own company
each night with stacked dishes and undone laundry
and puffy eyes that cannot seem to shrink.
i’m swallowing each sweet nothing as if it belongs to me—as if you belong to me.
through flesh and blood, i see your insides.
they are living. your aura. the soft delicate smooth manner in which you exist.
i live to see the sunrise from your bedroom window in a nightgown,
observing whole towns awakening
as our hearts have never known another
as clearly worth living for.
we are alive and i’m swallowing each emotion
i forced myself to deny.
i breathe what i feel, i am what i want, i am wanting
and oh dear, there is nothing wrong with that.