I’ve been learning what I deserve
Who I deserve
What makes me happy
Who makes me happy
Still sprinkled with self destruction
And holding onto fond memories
I’ve got a ways to go
But my how far I’ve come

I miss parts of being a child
the endless days with not a care in the world
the simple clothes and bike rides
on back roads where grass grew so long it curled

in the gentle breezes of June afternoons,
or seeing the neighbourhood cats stalk,
& lay on warm side walks for their
mid day snooze.

or summers by the lake,
being in the sand and sun until late
there was no tomorrow, no yesterday
just then, there, today.

parents, and grandparents and aunts and uncles
still full of laughter, life, love and light.
as they aged, their lights fade
each day, they become more grey.
smiles strained, and eyes foggy
memories of their newborn babes.

it's all so strange.

it happens to all of us

the circle of life

we're born, we live, we die.

I just never knew to treasure all those long summer nights,
all of those days wasted away
not thinking of the future,
just what we were going to do today.

Another year, now older
Am I wiser?
Perhaps, but surely bolder
What can I say
I feel more or less the same

The years float by, entrancing
But each no more enhancing
The reflection has no change
Yet my vision has less range
The wrinkles aren't yet there
And the grey has not attacked my hair
But somehow I feel aged
In my own mind encaged
I don't mind the sound of my years
For some it brings them to solemn tears
I find it sort of soothing
As evidence that life is moving

The time is comes and goes
When it will end, no one knows
But for now on earth it snows
And the howling wind still blows

One year ago exactly,
In the moment I relapsed faster
Than how fast I was running from myself.

It had been about a year too
Before I closed the door on
Hoping to have grown.

I was sent away
And blamed for that.
They said "You said the right things
And did this on purpose"
Well I can't say I did that,
But I can say I finally opened up
And asked for help
And this is what I got for that.

Now everytime I smell
The smell of tide detergent
And see that color green
On the meridian scrubs
I flinch and stop breathing.

I wish I never opened up,
I wish I never asked for help
Cause now the shackles on my brain are getting heavier in that section.

But it showed me a new perspective,
Didn't get the help I was wishing for
But I grew older, wiser, and nicer.
Now I'm a fighter for the kids like me
So I guess I have grown a little.

The youth
has gone away.

Only lines
of fun stay.

When I smile
they go astray.