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y'ay'a Oct 2018
sometimes
i don't even want to die
but my mind
will tell me otherwise
my mind will say
"ask to use the bathroom
then jump from the stairs"
or
"make yourself a sandwich
and use the knife to cut yourself open"
or
"use hangers for your clothing
and the belt for yourself"
and it's not like i never tried
to fix this mind of mine
but my oh my
how the days have passed me by
and i am tired
so the stairs look nice
and so does the knife
and i haven't quite felt
the warm embrace of a belt
around my neck
is it my time yet?
seasonal depression is in full swing this year lads
two indigo eyes Oct 2018
You say i'll never be secure
I'll always be the one jealous of her.
I think she's just who you'd prefer.
You only see skin color. I'm pale and thinner.
Maybe if I was thicker, hair was longer,
You wouldn't long for her.
Or have me thinking im mediocre and crying all October.
I was hoping our memories would hold you over.
It's my birthday, no reason to stay sober.
Try to remember me before
I made mistakes, i just wanted to explore.
I got ahead of myself, i wandered too far.
Fell from a cliff tryin to get my **** licked.
Lost my inocence, then got lost in your forest.
Wanted to climb sequoias, now all I gots a toothpick,
and kindling, but I cant keep our flame lit.
so my hearts ripped and my minds split.
Do I choose love, do I choose happiness?
Do I walk away? i wont hear the end of it
My heart knows what my mind dont admit.
I could drive myself crazy, loosing my whits.
So i walk slow follow the signals, see it from your angle, stare out my window, watch the smoke flow.
I never wanna see you go as easily as this wind blows my clouds low, away from my home.
Try to grasp it, but it slips through my hold.
Always felt like you broke the mold.
Everyone before you was placebo, you were my libido.
Turned me into a loving creature, instead of who I am now, feral with fever. ******* for leisure, smoking until I cant see clear.
Wish I could go back to who you knew last year.
Jillian Jesser Oct 2018
summer is over

i watched it turn

while the quiet grace in my eyes went hard

why do i always
go here

when there
is so soft and curved
a pillow to lay the palm of a hand

the wet fog rolling in on a cool morning
pools behind my eyes
the cement beneath my feet
tenses for fall

and I wait
Jillian Jesser Oct 2018
I needed the sound of the music
and the breeze that hit the trees I touched
and the grass
and the dancing
and the soul I don't believe in
to open up
and let tomorrow in
even when today is a century
even when yesterday
creaks open and grabs me
holds me locked tight

every song on the radio
some chance
some synchronicity
some ecstasy

I open my eyes underwater
I am safe and supported
I give a deep sigh of relief
for the thousand loves I have lost in my dreams
for the death that sees me in my reflection at the bottom of a glass

Weary, wanting women
I have been one
Soft
I have been that, too.

And when a violet sunset comes through the trees tonight,
I am still so very soft.
A practice run for a well known poet n.w.
y'ay'a Oct 2018
you have brought me light
and now, i know not of how
to see without you
"Depression" #writtenviaVenjencieArnold
                  I.
When your voice becomes raspy & dry with words that are empty, without meaning, Your eyes still see all,
Your ears still hear all,
Oh, close my eyes goodnight like you would to a soul that says goodnight, Stuff my ears so they may not hear the cries.

                II.
Oh lay my body down so it may not fall, I'm paralyzed without the slightest motion, in the same token I'm filled with boundless emotion, Movement of fears, Movement of tears, Oh lay my body down so it may not fall.

                III.
I feel as if when you look at me I've become less than the puppet that I once was, I feel as if when you look at me you see a body stuffed with straw, Oh lay this scarecrow down so it may not fall.

             IV.
I no longer hold shape, I'm bland without color, I'm unable to stand on my own, I used to be loved by so many that I've known, Only if my mind could follow my body's steps... no memory recall, Then I won't know if you choose to let my body fall.

               V.
My eyes hollow like those of the hollow stuffed men, My heart is beating, I'm still bleeding, I'm full of emotion like an explosion in the ocean. I have memory recall, My ears still hear all, My eyes still see all,  Oh lay a penny on my eyelids to secure them that may stay closed, Stuff my ears so they may never again be exposed.

               VI.
Lay me down with the worn out scarecrows or where the Lilly's grow, You no longer know that I use to be a human body with a brain, heart & soul, Oh just lay this body low, Maybe God will soon take my soul.

~SacredInkedBlood ©Oct042018 Venjencie Clifton Arnold
Sometimes people treat you like you don't exist because depression makes you feel the need to be invisible. Sometimes with depression others still know you exist but your depression makes you feel like they care much less notice. You become as if your body is just a shell or nonexistent but you feel every emotion that exists.
Praggya Joshi Oct 2018
October reminds me
To be cautious
And pack enough
Warm clothes
For wherever I go
Cause I might not know
That this weather
Is known for its
Uncertain winds
Vacillating between
Pleasantly warm and
Bitterly cold temperatures
So I need to prepare myself
Beforehand
And protect myself against
Highly prevalent
Capricious temperament
Of this season
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