when i feel the burning sensations often i feel like if i burn my fingers i can make it quell
but not go away completely,
the burning covers my thighs and lower stomach and i push my fingers into it but it’s never enough, and yet too much
the burning mixes with a feeling i can’t describe that brings tears to my eyes
i try to push it down because the burning hurts and my fingers are covered in flame
but it’s never enough
and yet too much

dysphoria is a funny thing
i hold toys in place of what i miss
i push up and down trying to ignore
the pangs i feel in the chest that isn’t mine
dear god please let me finish this time
they all say hope will make the burning worse
but there isn’t much worse i can go from here
and yet it scares me all the same

i shudder once
a broken sound
it’s better than before
but not enough
and yet too much

Enveloped in the warmth of wet skin
Salty fingertips grasping onto sticky arms, legs
Hair hot with amber and vanilla
Cheeks pink, lips pinker
Stolen air is sweeter
Sweeter breath is stolen
Part, slide, gasp and shudder
Breathe, breathe, breathe,
Melt.

he’s drunk in love
knocks on her door
when it falls apart

how come i perceive?
her feverish face
while his tongue flicks;
the truth and secrets—

her kisses, her touch, her;
i can tell everything is a necessity
how you move your body enticingly

everything is nothing to you
she kisses you because it's true—
you’re everything to her while you
only loved the moon.

i can't look her in the eyes
she means the world to me
but in blue irises come memories
repressed, forgotten, unwanted

his were a clear, vibrant sky
beautiful, even picturesque
but he wanted so much more
than flattery and a late-night dance

he met me at a baseball field
"it's just a date, don't be so nervous!"
"it's raining," i argued. "it's cold."
"i can fix that for you"

and my jacket came off
colder
my shoes, sopping wet
colder
my top, clinging to my skin
colder
my pants, a barrier
colder

but then i was warm with him
my lips, my ****, between my legs
it was angry, like a raging wildfire
and his touch burned me alive

he moved away not long after
the desecration of my body
i have no clue where he is
but i hate the color of her eyes

I want to feel your lips
Between the crevice of my breast
I want you to lay me down
And pluck my clothes
Like petals of a flower
I want you to run your fingers through my hair
And make me sing like a harp
I want to be held so tight I can barely breath
Pull me in your arms and wear me like your favorite sweater
Let me keep you warm
When the world is cold
I can be your mittens so your hands are never cold
The socks you put on everyday for work
So you never get cold feet
I want you to kiss me so gently and so hard you make my mind turn to fuzz
Static
Numb and everlasting
Pull my hair to wake me from my sleep
Wrap your hand around my throat when you put your tongue in my mouth
Wipe my tears when I cry cause sometimes it's too much
But not enough
I can never have enough of you
Of this
The sparks that shock me everytime you touch me
The hips you pull to get every inch
The breast you grab to make me sing  
The face you caress to gain your power
And that spot between my thighs that leaks of honey
And sometimes your milk
Give me it all
Hold me down
Pull me close
Treat me well
Make me yours

he pushes me onto my knees
                       our father who art in heaven
i open my mouth for him
                      lord, i want to recommit my life, my heart to you
he holds my head in his hands and i take in all of him
                     you alone are worthy of all honor and praise
his eyes close and his head tilts back
                    he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you
                        by his love
i can feel tears running down my cheeks and i look up and capture his eyes
                   i saw the lord...lofty and exalted
his mouth tilted into a grin
                  make your face shine on your servant; save me in your
                         steadfast love
he pushes my head back and i come away with drool and tears dripping to the floor
                 now the works of the flesh are evident
i smile at him and my gaze demands his admiration
                for this is the love of god

~

She never minded the scars I carved.
She'd beg me for more, and as her wrists were tied in knots.
I'd make sure another night was never forgot.
Sure, she'd struggle, much as any of us must.
But she was lurching toward me wild and bewildered such.

She would calm as I tended wound and her panting
below became a parting of bloom. Springtime crept
in like a slow, low light on a horizon only meant
to be seen by us two.

Her struggle turned to sound and her mouth stuffed still.
Her lids heavy hiding stained glass eye windowed sill.
Her knees buckled with belt tied firm to keep her tight.
Her smile crept wide as tongue wetted what kept words inside.

Her drool ran and stained our sheets,
her eyes filled with tears which ran down cheeks.
Pleasing pleadings strung out by Morse code taps of her feet.
She was more than a canvas,
she became my tapestry.