I keep rubbing my hands for heat
Trying to warm you but not melt you-
To hold you in any state I can
You're consistent as water
Obsession is an addiction that preys on the desperately distracted
A sure sign that I'm not healed
I sit in the bath and try to make amends
I tell my body that I'm sorry, that I love her and want to nurture her
And it feels sharp and rude sliding down my tongue.
I look at my flesh and hold her gently, holding my hands back from pinching and grabbing and pounding in frustration.
I love you and I'm sorry
Please stick to my tongue and dissolve sweetly.
Please mean it sometime soon.
All I want is to hold all of my bones to my heart
Keep them inside and insulate them from the cold.
My brain split in two
One side holds flowers
The other armed with arrows
Point me in the direction of resolution
Pull back and launch with force
Don't make me choose it-
I probably won't.
recovery, eating disorder, ed, ed recovery, anorexia,
Your eyes flickered and blazed into mine,
You didn't mean to do this.
From the jolt in my chest that buzzed into my limbs,
I was possessed by the sparks, ignited despite the odds.
In that moment- I would have given you my entire soul.
I would have merged into your skin and lived there forever.
I would have breathed in every last one of your exhales,
And thanked you for the gift of the heat you didn't make for me.
I would have burned down the house I grew up in,
If it meant we could put up a tent.
Thank god you didn't let me, because I would have.
I would have lost it all.
love, obsession, unrequited, reciprocation, identity,
Why is it that love is so easily confused,
With a multitude of other experiences?
Perhaps we identify love as the feelings we hope are truly it,
Through the fear of acknowledging them for what they truly are.
Obsession, desperation, a projection and dependence of self-worth?
We dodge calling the *****, a *****.
Inhaling oakmoss and tobacco
Sparkling ivory with the structure of ebony
She swirls her glass, wrapped with crimson talons
Toes pointed in patent leather, wrists cuffed in white lace
The fire crackles a warning but it glows too enticingly
I feel comfort and fear, scorched and glacial
I am the arsonist's thirst- nomadic, static
If tonight isn't the peak of my existence
I am the world's luckiest soul
Enveloped in the warmth of wet skin
Salty fingertips grasping onto sticky arms, legs
Hair hot with amber and vanilla
Cheeks pink, lips pinker
Stolen air is sweeter
Sweeter breath is stolen
Part, slide, gasp and shudder
Breathe, breathe, breathe,
— The End —