every night when you think your parents and sister are sound asleep, you turn your phone on and scroll through tumblr and xnxx for the most depraved forms of *******.
pornhub didn't cut it anymore. you needed something disgusting - something more than a bleach blonde crying and choking on two ***** at once.

tonight, its a girl buried to her neck in dirt. the caption says they'll have her starve to death.
a gifset of a stranger's last moments inside a plastic bag.
riding your hand to ******, you bite down into your soft pillow, grinding your jaws together until the moment passes.

you're always looking for an element of danger on a website known for hoaxes.
congratulations. you satisfied your urges for less than fifteen minutes.

now that it's all passed, its back to jealousy.

jealous of their talent at art.
if i had even half of that talent, think of the beautiful things i could create.
jealous of their shadowy second lives.
my life will never be exciting.

it hurts, a lot. it's a dreary existence you lead.
no matter what you do, it seems to end in failure. your love is evil, you have no money, you're too disabled.

one day a gore blog won't help you.
pray for a serial killer to come and chop your body up - you know it'll never happen.
the only way you'll ever satisfy that itch is by a needlessly complicated suicide plan.

jump off a building and blast your ******* brains out.
it'll be the only legacy you have enough talent for.

Thread knuckles into notches of your spine,
you were mine.
Held down as carotid fought hard,
to keep open your eye.
Staring vivid as clouds overtook.
I can taste you through your musk,
hear the quivering in your thigh.

Stomach acids crawled into your nose,
and petals bloom. Belly aflame,
throat bleat with each beat.
As vision tunneled from expanse
to pinhole spindle of our room.
Bared teeth like a wild animal,
eyes wide with excitement.

If you could breathe a word your smile soon'd fade.
Porcelain comtesse *** undress with maroon'd face.

Some like it violent
Insatiable in every sense
Brutal and arousing
Bruises and bitemarks
That draw blood
A delight, red and raw
Teeth marks sinking into flesh

Miss Mass ******
And her new boyfriend
Mister Mysterious
Are in love
Shiny and new
Like the first drop
From a finger pricked
On a cerated knife

But it was too much too soon
Twisted young love asphyxiates
In rooms without privacy
Hitting a new a high
Pointed teeth and fanged smiles
Cigarette drags on moonless nights
*** and death intertwined
There is lust after life

Together forever
Side by side: six feet under
Unnatural and unlawful
It was a night to dismember
A funerary wedding
His and hers in a hearse
Rattling tins and dangling bones
Just married written in a scarlet hue
That is not ink

There’s something I like about
being put on my knees
the push and pull of control
like a live-wire until suddenly
I can let go
into this safety net of being
here on my knees
for someone who will
take care of me
I like resting my
head in someone’s hands
something fragile
unfolding
in me
through the open swinging door
I like to feel hands
in my hair
that make me feel small
and safe
like nothing
in the world would dare
hurt me
for fear of you

Make love to the monsters under my bed
Hear the moans of the waking dead
I miss my scary dreams
Horrors, terrors, and screams
Instead I hear enigmatic speech
From a ghost, beyond a breach
Of sadness and sourness

There’s something I like about
being put on my knees
the push and pull of control
like a livewire until suddenly
I can let go
into this safety net of being
here on my knees
for someone who will
take care of me
I like resting my
head in someone’s hands
something fragile
unfolding
in me
through the open swinging door
I like to feel hands
in my hair
that make me feel small
and safe
like nothing
in the world would dare
hurt me
for fear of you

drop me like pouring water from your hands
indelible in the way it bleeds through my skin
euphoria floating in pale clouds round my mind
like waking up and falling back asleep
all at once

Purple lights would blend
into your skin.
Deeming us eternal.
Deeming us lovely.

Your eyes were shadowed
by the darkening of your hair
laying sweet like silk against your skin.
You were intense.

I would feel you bore into me,
explore me,
i would feel you open every locked case
The entry of my heart with a bloodied warning sign
would be ripped apart.

Your fingers on my waist.
Your fingers holding me tight.
Breathing into me.
Your nose caressing the nape of my neck,
down my back.
Lips kissing me all right.

Salt and sweet I tasted
As your tongue
made me quiver.

You were forbidden
You touched me all over
I was made for you
Moulded for you.
For your hands and tongue to explore.

And i would cry into the night, begging for more.

n.b

deep in my core, I am as sweet as honey. I have beautiful bouquets inside of me. touch me and i will bloom for you. slice open my midsection and the flowers will curl around my ribcage. crack open my skull to find incredible thoughts growing as they form. separate my legs and watch me open petals of the prettiest hues.

my petals, my nectar, my thorns. all yours.

selfish lovers have picked my petals off, crush me at the stem of my core. I begin to wilt; I slowly rot. they are repulsed. my beauty turns to death and they turn the other way. quick to blame, they fail to notice it was their hands to taint me.

flowers require delicate hands and the nourishing sunshine to survive. when kept in the dark, they wither. how could you expect me to be any different?

if I could rewire this brain of mine -- this body of mine -- I would much rather fill myself with thorns; poison, barbed wire to wrap my bones.
but I am soft, I am sunshine and nature divine. I bloom and wilt and recreate myself time after time. it takes more than ravenous hands to stop me from growing.