why is everyone assuming im so good
"im so glad youre doing well"
"you seem so happy!"
"oh this is great that you are doing so much better."
but i am not
i am crying in grocery stores
and running because i ate a twinky
i am crumbling
i am not okay
this is not okay

When you say that you're fine
but a part of you know that is a lie,
things killed you and you got one life from nine,
instead of telling, you spoke things you don't buy.

Cos' things happen and we all know,
cos' things ****, something things blow,
cos' it hurts, you know but you don't show
cos' it's like you are in a dry desert and all you need is a drop of h2o

In a bit, you will cry while you pray,
but for now, you pretend that it's okay,
you act like you're fine, everything slays,
but inside you're screaming 'everything is a play'.

What if I told you
I want to die?
That I'm tired of living,
of being alive?

What if I said
it gets worse at night?
The thoughts get louder
and everything seems wrong

What if I told you I lied
when I said I was fine?
When I said I'm fine, how are you,
I was actually crying on the inside.

What if I lied
and said everything is alright
No, I'm not crying,
I swear I'm fine.

What if I tried to take my life?
Would you send me to rehab?
Hoping the doctors would fix me,
and everything would be fine?

What if I told you hope is dumb?
That hope is a stupid thing to have
Because when I have hope,
everything falls apart.

What if I told you I lied, again, when I said I was better?
That I only said that so you wouldn't worry?
Well,
I did.

What if I said to you,
I've hated myself since the age of 9?
That I wish you could've helped,
before it was too late?

What if I succeeded in killing myself?
I doubt anyone would cry.
Would you even care,
If I took my own life?