The bright summer sun warms my skin

instead of energy, it puts me to sleep

Gone are the days, id run and play

And the joy i wish i could keep
  
  The smell in the air is nostalgic

Of a memory just out of reach

Not sure if its real or i dreamt it

But its of one i can no longer see
  
  Is the laughter from my past a real sound?

Or something id wished i had heard?

Memories fade so much with time

And recalling them seems so absurd

   You havent been here for a while

These memories keep coming in waves

Feeling so lost yet familiar

Something i cant get back or replace

It’s like I’m walking
Home from school,
Counting the houses
That look the same.

It’s like I’m skipping
The cracks again,
Humming the tune
Inside of my head.

It’s like my shoe laces
Keep coming undone
No matter how much
I tie them up.

I pick at the thread
Hanging off of my sweater,
Not bothering to bend down
And double-knot.

And then when I trip,
I sit
And wonder
Why.

I see strangers on the Internet
talk about healing their inner child.
It made me go inward.
Think
and think
and think.

About little me.
Three, five, seven years old.
What she wore
what she ate
what she watched on TV.

How she danced,
twirled on and on
without a care in the world.

And as I saw her in my mind's eye
and felt her in my soul,
my heart was filled with a Great and Terrible Sadness.

Oh, how I've failed her!
I've abandoned her laugh
her warmth
her light.

I traded her valiance for fear,
her voice for silence.
Her smile and bright green eyes
for a dull film over too-pale features.

Oh, my poor, sweet child.
I am endlessly sorry.
I have failed you.
Failed you.
Failed you.

Those strangers on the Internet
want to heal their inner child.

But now
I wonder...
Can my inner child heal me?

In the quicker sand

deeper than I've ever been

slip sliding away

I still see the gravedigger's *****

6ft deep in the shallows