Driving down the freeway
underneath the dark night sky.

Thinking about it all.
Tears falling from my eye.

Starring out the window
at the reflection in the mirror.

Remembering the times
when it all seemed so much
clearer.

I try so hard,
To keep myself busy & occupied,
So you will be the last thing to think about.

I try so hard,
To have as much fun as possible during the day.
So you will be the last thing to think about.

I try so hard,
To not think of you,
But you are everywhere.
Everything reminds me of you.

When I see my planner,
I remember I meant to ask you when is your birthday.
When I see my books,
I remember I meant to ask you what is your most precious possession.
When I see my pink purse,
I remember I was meant to ask you what is your favorite color.

You had no idea,
Just how much I hold onto your words.
You made me believe,
That we have all the time in the world.

None of us try to fix this.
Getting back what we once had,
No matter how much I want it.
Because we both know that,
We’re not something worth saving.

the mountains keep laughing,
and mocking me from afar.
they keep mocking the useless
attempts i make
to feel like i’m worth
to feel like i really am enough.

they keep pointing at me
telling me i’ll never be
like my little brothers’
violin;
or that i won’t ever be
as clever
as bright
as wit
as my big brother is.

they keep reminding me that
i won’t ever be
as sufficient
as i want to be.

if i died tonight, would you miss me?
would you say nice things at the funeral
and tell people i had a beautiful soul
or would you tell them that my thoughts were troubled
and you helped to calm the waters

would you tell them i died too young
or would you say that i had plans for living
would you say how i always looked on the bright side
or would you explain that i had a dark side
only you could see

would you recall the memory of the day we met
or would you tell them the pieces we shared
talk about the first time we kissed
or the first time you asked if i was okay

if i died tonight, i'd want you to be honest
just don't give all the good parts away

I’m dreaming again
Only this time it’s not my own dreams I dream
It’s hers

She’s covered in a thin film of sweat
She trembles
I trembled too

He stands over her
Maliciousness on his face

It’s an oddly farmiliar sight
He’s angry
He was angry at me too

He drops to his knees in front of her
He slides his belt off
Unbuckles his pants
Smirks

Her breathing now becomes
Sporadic and ragged
Inspiration-
Expiration-
Inspiration-
Expiration-

She shakes uncontrollably
I shook uncontrollably too

As he leans over her
She holds her breath and waits
Inspiration-

She tries to scream
She tries to move
She tries to say ‘no’

She can’t
She’s terrified
I was terrified too

I wake startled
“Another night terror plagued me”
I say to the darkness

I don’t know what’s worse anymore
Hearing my screams
Or hearing hers